Match Statistics

Date	Team 1	Goals 1	Team 2	Goals 2	Match reports
Wed, 26/01/2022	California Charlie Morgan Hugo Fuller Luke Swann Martin Calver Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Rupert Coltart Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie	3	Los Angeles Alexander Hodgson Amr Abulaban Andy Krick Deven Ghelani John Romeo Mark Davies Michael Davies Mike Penkethman Steve Davies	6	Yes it’s back! Like a new coronavirus variant, like a case of gonorrhea that despite multiple doses of penicillin you can’t shake after meeting Olga on that gap year inter railing trip to Eastern Europe, it is roaring back with a vengeance the Worthless AFC match report! It has been too long my apologies but by (un)popular demand I am delighted you can join me again and like your back garden who knows what we’ll find! (Well if your Fred West perhaps not-Ed). First off instructions from the Overlords that Luke Swann should be treated with deity like respect went well as his ethereal presence graced us making it seem like Whites were one man down. In a new format 8 v 9 lined up and it was a great game. In a bid to stop excuses like the ball is too soft or too tough to see in the floodlights or too round Coltart R splurged his whole pocket money’ on a Yellow Nike Premiership Ball only to be told it was too hard and football shape! So we switched to the difficult to see soft white ball! The archaic code of this website prohibits me from inputting the correct score of 3.5 to Whites and 6 to Reds. For the first 5-10 mins Whites were actually two men down and held Reds to a nil nil score with some effective mid field pressing. The game changed with the arrival of Groton O for whites and in the process of the whole team wandering over to Whites goal to say Hi to Groton O this allowed Reds to bundle a goal in. Whites were playing good football but their occasional pass to a red cost them for a second goal and 2-0. Whites then scored a beauty a true five touch goal. Gillespie S rolled the ball out from goal to Calver M who pinged a 55 yard far right pass to Coltart R who controlled, looked up and chipped a lofted deft ball to Red’s back post. Campione S rose like a Salmon connected like a drunk cortortionist and the ball was back in the net….1-2 and game on. However MOTM Davies S rectified matters for Reds by scoring two thunderous goals either side of half time despite Whites half time chat and adopting a totem pole formation for the second half they soon found themselves 4-1 down. Can’t remember Whites second but Whites began to tire with reds exploiting the extra man and a lovely strike by Abulaban A made it 2-5. Controversy ensued as Coltart R thought he had let the ball come out of the red goal area before drilling it into the goal the ball carrying a bundle of diving red players with it but without Baker G to make a ruling and VAR switched off it was half heartedly given but could have been in the area hence the .5 goal. No idea of Reds sixth but Whites final goal was the last kick of the game as a beautifully threaded pass from the back went through several reds reached Calver M who still had to shimmy past some reds and nestle the ball in the back of the net and game over. No idea of pub attendance as I went home to let some air out of my over priced ball and try and reduce the roundness and football appearance for next week! Good night
Wed, 10/11/2021	California Charlie Morgan Deven Ghelani Harry Harland Martin Calver Oliver Gorton Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Simon Gillespie	11	Los Angeles Alexander Hodgson Gordon Baker John Park John Romeo Mark Davies Michael Davies Mike Penkethman Steve Davies	4	Penkethman M on the naughty step for failing to turn up! Suitable punishment such as being forced to agree with all of Baker G’s comments on the pitch for a month should prevent this mishap for happening again. In fact he’d never be late/miss another function ever! Reds recruited a young gun for hire wandering around and he looked dangerous for about five mins till a crunching tackle from Gillespie S nullified him and he was in Gillespie S’s pocket for the remainder of the game. The Davieses Theorem (reports passim) was horribly disproven today as LA’s 3 to California’s 1 did nothing to stop California opening up a 10-1 lead after 40mins. It was one of those nights for California where everything worked coupled with so woeful LA defending, tracking, passing and shooting! California could have scored many more but decided to try and hit every part of the goal posts and bar along with taking their foot off the gas in the final 15mins allowing LA to score 3 to California”s 1. California also played some really crisp, selfless football which was great to be a part of. LA imploded with some heated discussions among several members of the team and I’m sure these differences will be rectified in the boozer afterwards! I will double check my dream weaver team picking algorithmic box that spews out the teams is working correctly as on paper those teams were not unbalanced and clearly if Penkethman M had turned up it would have been all square (hmmm-Ed)! Wife’s bday next week so someone else will have to pick up the cherished mantle though as none of you have log in rights (helps when you are executive (to the) chairman!) maybe difficult! Have a good week
Wed, 03/11/2021	California Hugo Fuller Michael Davies Oliver Gorton Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Simon Gillespie Steve Davies	7	Los Angeles Alexander Hodgson Barney Reynolds Gordon Baker John Romeo Nick Warner	6	Back in the day when your Dad said he was free to come and watch your next football match you invariably thought you had to up your game and play well. Making the team was generally a given however Davies M eliminated this banana skin by turning up (with Dad) without signing up to play! Not wanting to make his father watch an imbalanced game (or a balanced one with his son standing next to him) we drafted in a ringer and boy was Bazza treated to an action packed game that should his commentary have graced the game would have been a Netflix Hit! Much of the pre-match build up was focused on the return of Reynolds B and like any great player would he be able to drag his team up one or two notches. The phrase Reynolds Theorem was bandied around. For those of you ignoramuses not familiar with this Theorem the nuts and bolts are the generalisation of the Leibniz Integral Rule which recasts time derivatives of integrated quantities and results in being useful in formulating basic equations of continuum mechanics. And as we all know Reynolds B is nothing if not a continuous mechanical machine of talent! (Went round the houses for that joke-Ed) Reynolds B lost tonight but it wasn’t his fault (reallly?-Ed) he was cursed by the Davieses Theorem which as we all know is “team with most Davieses in it wins” and indeed California had 3 to LA’s 1. California opened up a 5-1 with some cracking goals generally with Davies S either scoring or setting them up. As usual the half term chat in California’s camp was “well played, more of the same and keep in the middle to nullify their weak attacks”. 20mins later having played badly, done of of what they did in the first half and seemingly hugging the walls California found their lead cut to 5-4 and the usual frantic last 20 minutes was almost a game in itself turned into an end to end affair which saw Reynolds B attempt to dribble (with the ball) from one end to the other (while being the LA keeper it should be noted). Back in the day he probably would have scored however discretion is the better part of valour and not wishing to embarrass the rest of us he stopped at the half way line. Anyhow LA could not peg California back and 7-6 it was. Bazza had a pint in the pub and regaled us (or me as I was sat next to him) with some entertaining tennis notes. Role on next week when this report is considering going behind a pay wall OnlyFans perhaps…..
Wed, 27/10/2021	California Hugo Fuller Michael Davies Oliver Gorton Rupert Coltart Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie	3	Los Angeles Alexander Hodgson Deven Ghelani Harry Harland John Romeo Mark Davies Nick Warner	3	After the global outcry (or two people depending on who you believe) of the Worthless reports going dark a defining event happened this evening that made me pick up the iPad (2nd Gen) log into the Worthless Website and compose with relish (Hellmans that I just spilt on the iPad) this report. What was this event I hear you say. Well the answer is the MOTM performance by Gillespie S. I thought Ghelani D was an invisible blur at the start of the game but turns out he hadn’t turned up (so therefore on the naughty step) so it was 8 Californians vs 7 LAians which resulted in a very good game! California’s team had a few more oldies than LA and perhaps a group trip to the opticians should be arranged as despite a large number of shots the location of the goal seemed to elude them none more so than Coltart R. Meanwhile Gillespie S was on fire dominating the California defence and spraying passes left, right and centre. He had also developed a new form of defence known as verbal defending. When someone on LA’s team shouted out pass to Warner N, Gillespie S simply responded “he’s being solidly marked” and then stood next to Warner N. This simply phrase caused the LA player to become disoriented and lose the ball. At 2-3 down with a minute left Gillespie S realised he had to save face for his team and picked up the ball deep in his own half simply drove forward down the pitch dropping one shoulder then the other feinting left and right fooling the LA players and the unleashed a 30yds pea-roller that trickled into the net! 3 all at the final whistle. The only other talking point in the pub afterwards was the discussion of Warner N’s new laceless sock football boot. He kept telling us they we’re 15 Euros but what he didn’t clarify is if that is what he paid or (more likely) was paid to take them out of the shop! Roll on next week
Wed, 14/04/2021	California Ben Donald Hugo Fuller Martin Calver Paddy Inglis Saverio Campione Tristan Gervais	7	Los Angeles Charlie Morgan John Park John Romeo Mark Davies Nick Warner Steve Davies	2	Displaying the impatience of a nation desperate to get their hands on their first pub pint in over 3 months, the California Surfer dudes (in white for those so colour blind that they’ve yet to work out why their passes go amiss) eventually got their first win in 6 months, taking advantage of their extra 1/2 man (he was only 14) to eventually wreck havoc on a strong Toros side. The Campione kid (Benny) thought the experience was “banging” and has lodged a transfer request with the WAFC management. Missing a string of regulars, who were making a mockery of the law of the land under the pretext of needing to look after second and third homes dotted around the UK during strict-ish COVID regulations, meant that those who did bother turning up (as a pretext to be being able to go to the pub after) endured end to end lung-busting soccer. Switching sides with a third to go, the little kid, with two goals and several sitters missed, brought a glimmer of respectability to the Reds, and a noticeable improvement to their game. Bring on the youth!
Wed, 16/12/2020	California Charlie Morgan Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Richard Aseme Rupert Coltart Saverio Campione	3	Los Angeles Alexander Hodgson Ben Donald John Romeo Mark Davies Martin Calver Nick Warner Tristan Gervais	8	It could have been 8-1 but either way California lost. It was a funny game as despite the team sheet before kick off showing 7 v 7 it always felt like LA had an extra man. Whites smarting from not having won for sometime really played some nifty football in the opening 10 minutes but every time they tried to create an overlap or break reds defence, reds seemed to have a man spare. Once reds scored whites began to retreat and unfortunately this just resulted in wave after wave of attacks which usually resulted in a goal. It was the complete opposite to whites as every time whites thought they had man marked or shut reds down reds found space and an overlap like they had an extra man. Whites had to admire reds play and accept defeat manfully safe in the knowledge that no buffoon would forget to sign up to play for reds despite being a regular player for over nine years and often stating Wednesday night footie is a break from the normal week and then turn up anyway and unbalance the teams. Baker G works for the UK government as an aside......no word on a return to play however rumours are we will be permitted once tier 11 kicks in five weeks after it is announced and only once you have purchased and play in the government approve outdoor games attire which think nuclear radiation suit meets deep sea diver with hint of ski off-piste attire. Wishing everyone a Happy and Healthy 2021!
Wed, 09/12/2020	California Jan Janecek Michael Davies Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie	2	Los Angeles Alexander Hodgson Ben Donald Charlie Morgan Gordon Baker John Romeo Mark Davies Nick Warner Steve Davies	5	Must try harder. Sounds like one of my school reports and tonight this was applicable to Whites. Use your strengths and exploit your opponent’s weakness is another chestnut cliche however Whites must have misheard and used their weaknesses and exploited Red’s strengths. Reds have been a disciplined bunch last few games. Whites have been more Inspector Clouseauesque. Where the last Red player would turn and pass the ball back to their keeper, any white player would attempt to beat the two on rushing reds players and look surprised when they lost the ball and reds scored. Thankfully none of Whites are in the SAS as their motto “who dares wins” would result in all of us being dead based on some of our speculative “dares” tonight. The parting of the Red Sea (get it?- Ed) was another feature of Whites defence as when a red player got the ball in the middle of the park Whites hugged the side of the pitches frantically marking space. The final observation for Whites to ponder is “when was the last time you....” This question should be asked by all White players the moment before they shoot or pass and insert what they are about to do into the question e.g as a white player is about to strike the ball at an acute angle to opponent’s goal closer to their goal then the opponents on their weaker foot they should think “hmmm when was the last time I hit a 57 yrds top corner screamer using the outside of my weaker foot?” If the answer is within the last ten days sure give it a go, if in the last few years hey it would be something special to talk about in the pub, IF however (as I suspect) the answer is never pundits might suggest a plan B of “hey my teammate is six yds away and in space”. All this doomongering (is that even a scrabble word?-Ed) should not detract from the enjoyment of the game as after all its not the winning that counts....right?
Wed, 02/12/2020	California Charlie Morgan Hugo Fuller Michael Davies Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Saverio Campione	1	Los Angeles Alexander Hodgson Ben Donald Mark Davies Martin Calver Mayamiko Kachingwe Nick Warner Steve Davies Tristan Gervais	8	Had reds held several illegal strategy meetings during lockdown lite 2.0?!? While I am about to waffle below in short reds turned up, boy did they turn up. On paper reds may have been a tiny bit stronger but not by this margin and indeed the score could have been more I lost count after we were 6-0 odd down to focus on sneaking a goal somehow. The strange thing was whites played some decent football in patches but in the final third couldn’t score thus mirroring their trips to peppermint hippo throughout their lifetime. Reds though had more box to box players. During lockdown I took up jogging fat lot of use that proved to be I couldn’t get box to box in our own box! Haller R determined to get a goal decided once the game was effectively over at 6-0 to control the ball effortlessly and tap it into his own goal. If only he had been so minded to do it at the other end! Good keeping by the collective red team too as whites did have a bunch of shots on target. It would be unfair thou to say everything went reds way while nothing did for whites but I am unfair so there I said it! Well played reds but rest assured whites will hold their own secret meeting between now and next week to seek revenge. Be tedious if we lose after that threat! Let’s see. Good to see everyone back and well though and a mention to Hugo F who was the first person to use the Worthless Track and Trace app and a bigger mention to Hugo C recovering from surgery but hopefully (that is at least whites are hoping) playing for reds soon!
Wed, 04/11/2020	California Charlie Morgan Hugo Fuller Michael Davies Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	2	Los Angeles Alexander Hodgson Ben Donald John Romeo Mark Davies Nick Warner Steve Davies Tristan Gervais	5	Last game before lockdown (lite) 2.0 saw a 9 v 8 affair. Campione S wins the dunce award for not registering his availability but still turning up (late) anyway and thus making the rejigging of teams at the start worthless (AFC!). A man down whites bravely did their best against a strong red team. Inglis P drafted in his "son" called Sol. This young gentleman was quick with good skill and vision and could play with both feet leading some in the pub afterwards to speculate was this Inglis P's son! The pub was as usual enforcing (albanian) social distancing with an impressive number of large multi-racial, same and different sex families gathering of all ages. Hopefully we will all use these four weeks to increase our skill and fitness for the renewal of the season and fingers crossed we get a game in before 2021! Stay fit and healthy everyone and your families too.
Wed, 28/10/2020	California David Esfandi Hugo Fuller Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Rupert Coltart Saverio Campione Vatche Manoukian	8	Los Angeles Ben Donald Charlie Morgan John Park John Romeo Mark Davies Nick Warner Tristan Gervais	7	Tonight saw a reunion on the white team of the striking threesome of the fabled Westminster 3rd XI of 1996-97 season affectionately known as the "Mighty Turds". Just like the 2003-4 Arsenal team this super squad of players were unbeaten with an astonishing record of played 1 drawn 1. What had changed in the last 24 years? It has been an uphill battle but the answer quite simply.....knowing their actual ability! Despite some early game chat such as "my physio told me I have a high concentration of fast twitch muscles!" This elite cadre of striking prowess actually played some wonderful football ably assisted by the regular white team to open up an 8-1 half time score line. Then 24 years of inactivity and usual over confidence kicked in and a hanging on by the seat of our pants last few minutes which involved some tacticaly time wasting by drilling two balls into the trees outside our pitch which were sadly never recovered. Oh well £60 in the toilet to have such a fun reunion was well worth it!
Wed, 21/10/2020	California Hugo Fuller Michael Davies Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Rupert Coltart Sameer Godbole Simon Gillespie Tristan Gervais	9	Los Angeles Alexander Hodgson Ben Donald John Park John Romeo Mark Davies Nick Warner Richard Aseme Steve Davies	1	It could have been 8 or 10 or even 11 whites lost count or interest after 5-0 at half time. A strange match as one could arguably argue that reds were the stronger team, certainly the worthlessafc top trumps suggested so and these will be available online and stocked in all disreputable retailers for Christmas (if Christmas still exists or hasn’t been moved to February as per Cummings D!).
Wed, 14/10/2020	California Charlie Morgan Michael Davies Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie	3	Los Angeles Alexander Hodgson Ben Donald Gordon Baker John Park John Romeo Mark Davies Nick Warner Sameer Godbole	6	There was only one team in tonight’s game. I literally mean one team as whites decided to play with/for reds tonight and ably assisted them to a man in helping reds score at least 5 of their 6 goals. How whites scored 3 goals is a mystery to me. I suspect whites were equally miffed and consider these own goals and bitterly disappointed to have let reds down!
Wed, 07/10/2020	California Hugo Fuller Michael Davies Nick Haigh Oliver Gorton Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie	1	Los Angeles Alexander Hodgson Ben Donald Gordon Baker Harry Harland John Park Nick Warner Richard Aseme Tristan Gervais	1	So tonight saw 9 v 9. The additions were Davies M for Reds and Inglis P for Whites. Clearly age is catching up to some of us after however many years they’ve been playing they forgot to sign up but turned up. Suppose we should be thankful they got the day right! However what a cracking game it was and perhaps we should always play 9 v 9 as it forces us all to play good quick football and there are no breakaway goals. We also started and finished on time so had a proper game too. Whites could have snuck it but VAR (Baker G) ruled Coltart R was comfortably inside the box. After some incredulous and disbelieving looks from Coltart R along with some sulking and foot stomping the game resumed and neither side could break the deadlock. Everyone had a good game so a draw was a fair worthless result.
Wed, 30/09/2020	California Charlie Morgan Hugo Fuller Michael Davies Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Simon Gillespie	4	Los Angeles Alexander Hodgson Ben Donald Gordon Baker John Park John Romeo Mark Davies Sameer Godbole Steve Davies	3	A tight affair saw LA just sneak the win with the usual Worthless antics of one team opening up a lead only to be pegged back and enduring a squeaky bum last 15mins. Worth pointing out we started late and finished early which does not mean we are getting value for money!
Wed, 23/09/2020	California Hugo Fuller Nick Haigh Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Sameer Godbole Saverio Campione	5	Los Angeles Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan John Romeo Mark Davies Michael Davies Nick Warner Steve Davies Tristan Gervais	3	Tonight the theory of team with most Davieses wins was broken. While reds had 3 to whites 1 one man decided that this previously working theory should be smashed. That man was Haigh N who basically glued whites together in a cohesive unit and was the centre of their web as every move pretty much ran through him. Reds had no real response. Game over...
Wed, 16/09/2020	California Ben Donald Hugo Fuller Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie	1	Los Angeles Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Gordon Baker John Park John Romeo Mark Davies Nick Warner Steve Davies	3	And so we are back to the Hallowed Turf of W10 after a period of tumultuous chaos not seen since Warner N claimed in the pub long ago he actually had gainful employment and was not a professional amateur sportsman (I could believe professional amateur -Ed). Jokes aside it is good to see that everyone is well and healthy and fitness levels have been maintained. After some friendly banter by Romeo J with the Herman Munster coach of the game before we kicked off as usual...late. The game was a timid affair as everyone was just finding their groove and getting back into "playing mode" there was certainly some nice lateral passing but nothing of any great note. As always with a little break people's timing was a little off and a few accidental fouls and nudges crept in. The first goal was an opportune moment by Warner N, who saw Coltart R and Fuller H debating whether the later should come out of goal for the former. Warner N struck the ball as Coltart R was turning around to face the game and random instinct (is there such a thing?) saw him lean into the shot and deflect the ball passed Fuller H. Half time 1-0 to LA. The second goal was a sweet angled strike by Baker G (or a miss-hit to the rest of us) that left Coltart R stranded. Reporters are unsure who scored the third goal for LA but whoever it was saw an opportune moment to strike as Coltart R and Gorton O were debating whether the later should come out of goal for the former (sound familiar!). This time as Gorton O wandered into goal and turned around he slipped on something and the ball rolled under him as he flew into the air. All effort by California then went into avoid niller mode which thankfully they did. MOTM Donald B: his pass completion rate was 100%. 50% to California and 50% to LA. With the ever shifting sands who knows if we will be playing next week! Stay healthy & safe
Wed, 26/02/2020	Belgium Alexander Hodgson Mark Davies Nick Warner Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Richard Aseme Steve Davies Tristan Gervais	2	Zaire Charlie Morgan Hugo Cuddigan Hugo Fuller James Arbib Michael Davies Pete Davies Rupert Coltart William Stevenson	4	The atmosphere in the cauldron of dreams that is Westway pitch 4 was electric and the crowd (um do you mean the one chap peeing in the basket ball court or the lady who was on her phone walking to her tennis game?-Ed) was buzzing in anticipation as the Zaire striker Cuddigan H made his hotly anticipated return. And he did not disappoint. His trade mark toe-pokes & mis-timed headers allowed Zaire to open up a 3-0 lead. As usual Zaire then thought the game was wrapped up after 25mins and decided to let Belgium launch wave after wave of attacks which meant they pulled it back to 3-2. Somehow Zaire held on and sneaked a goal on the break. However despite the tension of the final 20 minutes the night belonged to Cuddigan H and his brazil socks and tight shorts!
Wed, 19/02/2020	Belgium Mark Davies Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Richard Aseme	0	Zaire Alexander Hodgson Deven Ghelani Hugo Fuller Steve Brooke	0	Tonight's game was a Hodgson A All Stars against an Inglis Assorted Bunch of Worthless Regulars. A no show by Brooke S (hugely frustrating) meant that IABW started a player down against a younger team who used the extra man to great effect and soon were two goals up. These goals were more gifts by IABW than HAAS creating great goal-scoring opportunities. Coltart R decided to show his manliness by getting annoyed with one of the smaller players on the pitch and losing his temper which really wan uncool and uncalled for. Apology to said player. Overall though IABW had their work cut out for them and while pegging HAAS back to all square in the middle of the game ran out of steam and succumbed to a late flurry of goals. Some good players on HAAS. Back to business as usual next week minus Brooke S!
Wed, 12/02/2020	Belgium Alexander Hodgson Mark Davies Nick Warner Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Richard Aseme Saverio Campione Steve Davies	3	Zaire Charlie Morgan Hugo Fuller John Romeo Michael Davies Mike Penkethman Nick Haigh Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	3	Tonight's report focuses on one worthless individual who I believe I wrote a lengthy op-ed piece on last year. Yes the match was a draw, yes the usual drivel that passed as football was played but there was one moment of real class that pretty much shone through tonight and possible shone over the season. It was a small piece of skill quite simple but so deft and subtle that it nearly confused both teams. I am talking about Davies M back heel in the second half on the edge of Belgium's area. Davies M was running at full tilt heading from right to left in front of the Belgium goal and granted while possibly having lost control of the ball and letting it get ahead of him he still persevered and as the ball fell between a number of Belgiums who were all in touching distance of the ball his determination to get stuck into the game meant that he jumped in between the onrushing Belgiums at some danger to himself and selflessly off balance back heeled the ball out of nowhere into an on rushing Zaireian (made the word up again!) who was able to slot the ball home without the keeper or anyone from Belgium moving as they all thought Davies M still had the ball and was heading eastwards possibly towards the next pitch! MOTD would be replaying this touch from every angle if they had been following tonight's game. No need to mention the scorer of such a sweet move but it was me!
Wed, 29/01/2020	Belgium Alexander Hodgson Gordon Baker Mark Davies Martin Calver Oliver Gorton Richard Aseme Saverio Campione Steve Davies	6	Zaire Barney Reynolds Charlie Morgan Hugo Fuller Michael Davies Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Simon Gillespie Steve Brooke	11	It was 10-1 at one point midway through the second half. Not even Zaire could throw that lead away! Last quarter of the game Zaire took their foot off as they went for the spectacular rather than the practical. The reason for this thumping rests solely with one phrase and one player.nReynolds B gave a master class in goal-hanging literally camping in the oppos final quarter for most of the game. Belgium forgot this not only once or twice but nine times and were always perplexed and somewhat bemused every time Zaire got the ball in their own half hoofed it forward and an unmarked Reynolds B picked up the ball and scored. Each Belgium player thought one of their teammates were defending when in fact they were not!
Wed, 22/01/2020	Belgium Andy Krick Gordon Baker Mark Davies Nick Warner Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Saverio Campione	3	Zaire Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Hugo Fuller Michael Davies Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Simon Gillespie Steve Davies	3	When I scroll through my previous drivel I note that this seasons games pretty much fall into two camps. Either Zaire get spanked like a naughty boy in a dominatrix dungeon or Zaire play the better football, dominate the game and generally should win and end up drawing. Tonight was the latter then I headed off for the former! Belgium could argue their aged team showed grit and determination to hang in and sneak a draw but that would be whatever our PM’s middle name is Puffle Wuffle. Zaire simply bottled it. Coltart R returning from a lengthy lay off & was gloriously ineffective as he just got the ball and ran in circles with it! Anyhow we all wish Krick A a good loan spell in France having been signed by Chamonix AFC in the January transfer window. See some of you tomorrow
Wed, 18/12/2019	Belgium Andy Krick Ben Donald Gordon Baker Mark Davies Oliver Gorton Saverio Campione	4	Zaire Charlie Morgan Hugo Cuddigan Hugo Fuller Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Tristan Gervais	3	So if you don’t turn up wanting to win a game you won’t win even if you are the superior team. This is the general behind the scenes moan of most top tier premiership managers when they get beaten by lower teams like say Tottenham. Zaire had all the gear but no idea tonight as despite playing better football they were a bit laisez faire with their approach and let Belgium sneak the win. Merry Christmas everyone to you and your families and a happy and prosperous 2020 too. Next time you see me fingers crossed I will he married and with a new baby!
Wed, 11/12/2019	Belgium Gordon Baker Saverio Campione	0	Zaire Hugo Fuller Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	0	First night back on the freshly laid pitch 4 and what was the difference from the old pitch? More black rubber bits in your shoes, longer grass so the ball holds up and a distinct lack of Worthless players. Credit tonight should go to Hodgson A who rustled up 5 players so thereby providing 33% of the players. In a break from this season’s colonial struggles a Hodgson All-Stars in Blue (though they were told black) took on a Worthless Not too shiny-Stars in White in an enjoyable and end to end 8 v 8 game. Tonight’s game enjoyably highlighted the Worthless striking prowess. We struck the post, the fence, the concrete flyover supports & pretty much anything but the goal. This resulted in Blues taking the lead with their first foray into White’s last third. 1-0 at half time and some sensible chat from all the white team (at the same time) resulted in whites pulling together to sneak a win though. Next week I think is the Christmas dinner so let’s see who can make this. Thanks again thou to Hodgson A. Goodnite all
Wed, 27/11/2019	Belgium Andy Krick Gordon Baker Mark Davies Mayamiko Kachingwe Nick Warner Oliver Gorton Saverio Campione	0	Zaire Alexander Hodgson Harry Harland Hugo Fuller James Walters Nick Haigh Richard Aseme Rupert Coltart	0	Where to start this match report?!? Firstly the larger pitch 4 is being resurfaced and so we were moved onto the alleged 6-a-side pitch known as pitch 5. Secondly the match started some ten minutes late due to a pitch invasion of cretinous morons who were convinced they had the pitch booked. We muscled them off by calling the Westway manager Louise! Thirdly Coltart R switched to Belgium as there were more regulars playing for Belgium this evening and so he thought he had balanced the teams by switching and while the score tonight is irrelevant (Belgium won comfortably actually land-slide) a more amazing revelation occurred. I have discovered that over the last 15yrs I have been playing Worthless football you all have been deliberately playing badly to make me believe I was the best player on the pitch!!!! To those regulars who were not playing I bet you are furious with the regulars who were. How have I worked out your ruse? Well tonight’s pitch was a six v six affair on a smaller pitch than usual. If you watch professional top teams train they spend hours and hours playing small pitch ticky-tacky football so when they move onto a bigger pitch they carry the small size pitch in their heads and play that game on the bigger pitch. Imagine my surprise and awe when everyone who usually lumps around on the big pitch shed their act and suddenly were playing quick, simple accurate one two passes and moving like one unit up and down the pitch! I couldn’t get a touch let alone involved as the ball and game shot by me in a blur. Davies M, Gorton O, Campione S & Krick A would have stuffed a Real Madrid 5-a-side team with their breathless give and go’s, playing the way they were facing and deft no look passes! Now that I have realised this remarkable 15yrs ruse to make me feel good midway through the week I am not too sure I can continue to play at least definitely not on Pitch 5! I’ll be back when we move back to Pitch 4 and probably just sit in goal!
Wed, 13/11/2019	Belgium Alexander Hodgson Andy Krick Gordon Baker James Walters Mark Davies Nick Warner Oliver Gorton Saverio Campione	5	Zaire Arthur Campbell Charlie Morgan Hugo Fuller James Arbib John Romeo Michael Davies Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	5	Zaire will rue the fact they should have won this game and while drawers they must be feeling like losers (so no change for most of the team-Ed). 2-1 down they then raced to a 5-3 which they could not hold onto for some reason. I would also like to propose a debate "this house believes that if you are or feel like you've been fouled pipe up (or not) and everyone simply accepts it gracefully. Everybody else's views should be kept to themselves!"