Match Statistics

Date	Team 1	Goals 1	Team 2	Goals 2	Match reports
Wed, 10/05/2023	Bolton Wanderers Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Dawes Mark Davies Mike Penkethman Paul Sharp Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie	-	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Deven Ghelani Hugo Cuddigan Michael Davies Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Steve Davies	-	Don’t know the result as I was not playing. I was at the San Siro instead watching the 1st leg UCL semifinal AC v Inter and you know what I could have been watching a WAFC game. Indeed we ran these teams in 2013 and while I have not looked back at the match reports tonight’s San Siro had all the hallmarks of Pitch 4 on a Wednesday night. Two teams perhaps surprised to be at this juncture with a few oldies who are beginning to run out of puff and may need to be out out to pasture. Players blaming the pitch and bobble for their wild off target shots when the surface is immaculate. Ball apparently too heavy, a couple of players thinking they are the referee, some silly nudges and a random dive. One team sneaking a lead then sitting and defending deep rest of the game. Honestly don’t know why I spent so much travelling to Milan when I could have driven down to the Westway and watched you lot! The fans were slightly better looking than ours though that is of course not including the great B Davies when he graces our sidelines. Anyhow surreal how art imitates life!
Wed, 26/04/2023	Bolton Wanderers Abdelilah Saham Anton Bettink Charlie Morgan Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Dawes Mark Davies Simon Gillespie	3	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Hugo Cuddigan Michael Davies Mike Penkethman Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Steve Davies	3	One of the perks of arranging the teams is if you can play at the last minute you can generally bulldoze yourself into the game! Thus Coltart R was able to twist the Chairman’s arm and make the game a 9 v 9 affair! The odd occasion this has occurred before (not by my bulldozing but by nincompoops thinking they were down to play when they were not) the games have been pretty poor however tonight’s was a belter. The last couple of games I have played in have all been good tight affairs and while not wishing to self-congratulate myself that is in part to picking balanced teams. Everyone was involved and bizarrely the fact we all had less space to move in meant the passing and skill was raised which begs the question is everyone just being lazy when they normally play! Anyhow the usual WAFC scoreline happened where one team goes 3-1 filled with over confidence lets the other side score two for the draw. It must be noted West Ham’s equaliser was scored by Cuddigan H from a whipped along the ground cross which he caught at full speed to drill into the top of the net (nanometers from sending it over!) right on the edge of the area (some say in but not) and on the 99th minute as the fans (other game) wandered on. However they all count!
Wed, 19/04/2023	Bolton Wanderers Dan Herbert Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Romeo Mark Davies Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie Steve Davies	4	West Ham United Anton Bettink Charlie Morgan Hugo Cuddigan John Park Michael Davies Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	1	Sometimes you have to accept when you have a stinker of a game and tonight Coltart R had such a game. Nothing seemed to go right for him or West Ham which is strange given that even when they are underdogs and up against it they put up a fight. Tonight thought nothing and Bolton’s five or six shots yielded four goals. None of them were particularly inspired goals but they scored more than West Ham and simply played better. Coltart R will skip the next game as he ponders what went wrong and why he turned up so off the pace…..
Wed, 12/04/2023	Bolton Wanderers Deven Ghelani Hugo Fuller John Dawes John Romeo Paul Sharp Saverio Campione	3	West Ham United Anton Bettink Charlie Morgan Michael Davies Mike Penkethman Paddy Inglis Rupert Coltart	4	4-3 to West Ham or 3-3 draw. Without our usual fourth official Baker G it was hard to know as Bettink A headed in a 90mins (+7mins) winner which coincided with a pitch invasion by the fans celebrating wildly (or possibly the next game asking us to leave the pitch). Either way it was a great gritty game of football which involved all 16 players and the standard of football and various points was high. West Ham a bit like Chelsea at the moment were more than capable of getting to the edge of Boston’s area but then didn’t know where to go or what to do. Where is their talismanic striker Cuddigan H?!? Wherever he is please come back! As a result at half time West Ham found themselves two goals down. Boston’s first goal was another Worthless classic as Bolton swung a ball in from the left side only for a goal mouth scramble to ensue and one West Ham player attempted a hefty clearance only for the clearance to ricochet off a team mate and into the goal. When everyone looked around the goal mouth scramble consisted of only 7 West Ham players! Boston’s second was another Worthless usual as West Ham parted like the Red Sea allowing a Bolton player to wander (amble or stroll more like) down the middle of the pitch and score. I never quite knows what drives WAFC teams to suddenly all feel the need to mark out wide simultaneously! Anyhow a stern West Ham half time talk led by grizzled veteran Inglis P seemed to spark a little bit of life into West Ham with Bettink A’s outside-in runs causing Bolton problems and creating more opportunities. Taking nothing away from West Ham it should be noted that Boston’s keeper the normal salmon like jumping Campione S was nursing a sore buttock and so was not as agile as usual. It seemed West Ham didn’t notice this fact either for most of the game however they were soon all square and indeed ahead and looking to be heading for an impressive win until Bolton scrambled home a third. All square an neither side wanting to lose the game became very Italian in its defensive/probing play. As mentioned above a last gasp charge by West Ham with the game possibly being over resulted in a goal and a win for the Hammers!
Wed, 05/04/2023	Bolton Wanderers Charlie Morgan Deven Ghelani Hugo Fuller John Romeo Mark Davies Saverio Campione	4	West Ham United Hugo Cuddigan Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	7	7 Boltoners took on 7 Hammers with a Carabo Cup feel to the game as the youth squad of WAFC was tapped into with three under 18s playing. It was a fairly close affair being all square at half time but then West Ham found their rhythm and Bolton had no response. Goal of the evening went to Zac Romeo picked the ball up out wide in his own half and charged down the line toward the Hammers goal. Davies P called out to Coltart R “Rupert have you got him covered” to which Coltart R said “no problem I have got him marked” Zac clearly taking offence to this wound up and let rip and unstoppable 35 yard zinger ending up bottom corner opposite side of the goal (Tower Block End/Stand). Coltart R turned sheepishly to Davies P and said “I guess I don’t have him!” But thankfully this blip did not alter the result.
Wed, 08/03/2023	Bolton Wanderers Abdelilah Saham Ben Donald Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Romeo Mark Davies Saverio Campione	3	West Ham United Hugo Cuddigan John Dawes Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Steve Davies	6	Despite a strong Bolton line up West Ham were too good and turned up and played football. Coupled with one of those evenings where everything worked for West Ham meant the scoreline flattered Bolton who could have lost by more. Funny old game.
Wed, 01/03/2023	Bolton Wanderers Ben Donald Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller Mark Davies Michael Davies Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie Steve Davies	2	West Ham United Abdelilah Saham Alexander Hodgson Anton Bettink Charlie Morgan Deven Ghelani Oliver Gorton Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	3	Question: What happens when your most capped defender and striker are unavailable to play? Answer: You win the game. This is indeed what happened to West Ham who like the week before went up against a strong Bolton team but this time emerged victorious. The game was not the expansive and open play of the week before but more a tight, crisp passing affair with lots of niggles and attrition very much like when West Ham's Premiership brothers win their matches! Given the large numbers that read these reports I feel I must point out (again) that any foul or tackle is never intentional as none of us are that talented and so anyone who feels the need to put in a retaliatory tackle for some mishap that befell them earlier needs to calm down as no one intends to injure anyone in our games! The only exception to this (retaliatory) rule and why it never happens anymore is the mythical (though actual) tackle by O'Reilly G that has been told and handed down through the Worthless generations......if you don't know it feel free to ask one of the gnarly veterans and watch them wince!
Wed, 22/02/2023	Bolton Wanderers Gordon Baker John Dawes John Romeo Mark Davies Simon Gillespie Steve Davies	3	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Hugo Cuddigan John Park Michael Davies Paddy Inglis Rupert Coltart	2	A very strong Bolton team saw a lot of hand-wringing by West Ham before kick off and accusations that once again the guy who picks the teams thinks he is better than he is. However while Bolton brought Abdel into their ranks West Ham picked up Jan. Jan for those of you who dont know often plays in a retro Bayern Munich outfit from the 90s. Those of you (like the guy who picks the teams) also know that Jan is actually fond of wearing the kit (or parts of it) from when he did in fact play for Bayern Munich (albeit their youth team). Jan thankfully negated most of Bolton's onslaught and indeed West Ham managed to take the lead against the run of play. A slight parking of the bus by West Ham (fatigue or tactics is somewhat disputed) then ensued and sadly they could not properly defend a barrage of both long range and short range shots allowing Bolton to score two. However this only energised West Ham who went off in search of an equalizer and duly got it. On the ascendency and sensing a famous win West Ham played some great football only for their talismanic striker to be cynically scythed down by Dawes "Chopper" J. Nursing a bruised ankle resulted in Cuddigan H being less potent than usual and West Ham's attack was somewhat blunted. With a draw looking likely West Ham switched off and allowed Baker G to steamroll down the left side as defenders stood aside and waved (surely attempted to tackle-Ed) and toe-poke a rocket into the back of the net much to the dismay of the part of the west ham team that had not taken part in the great parting by their teammates. Despite the loss West Ham can hold their heads high as in theory they should have been onto the end of a pasting however an inspired Jan assisted team play meant they almost won it.
Wed, 25/01/2023	Bolton Wanderers Ben Donald Dan Herbert Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Romeo Mark Davies Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie	1	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Harry Harland Hugo Cuddigan John Park Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	4	A lot of discussion by the Hammers before the game about needing to win and how to do so was quickly rewarded when we realised we had 9 players! Once again the fiendishly complicated system of log on and tick name website alluded one of the oxbridge crowd. Sadly Bolton noticed too but were quite happy and game to play on to their credit. As with any professional match when one team has superior numbers it generally tells and so it proved in this game as after 15/20mins of the first half with Bolton actually having the better chances a soft West Ham shot fooled Bolton's keeper resulting in momentum shifting to West Ham and Bolton becoming a bit deflated as they realised they had a slight mountain to climb. 7/8mins after the first goal it was 4-0 West Ham and half time. West Ham knew the game was theirs and took their foot of in the second half and while we may claim tactical awareness meant we defended deeply we were probably all a bit tired. Bolton played better and snuck a goal to avoid a niller. Full time and everyone trudged off half not satisfied they one but an extra player and the other half for not getting more from their endeavour.
Wed, 18/01/2023	Bolton Wanderers Ben Donald Charlie Morgan Hugo Fuller Mark Davies Michael Davies Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie Steve Davies	10	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Barney Reynolds Hugo Cuddigan John Park Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies	8	Tonight’s game was all about generosity and kindness least on the West Ham teams part as they pretty much assisted Bolton in scoring ten goals! You wonder sometimes what the point of a pre game or half time chat is or indeed are you speaking a different language or some of your team are too proud to acknowledge their hearing is going. Does “play the simple pass”, “the ball moves quicker than you” and “don’t get caught with the ball when the last man” mean something different outside of the W1 postcode?!? Short of bending over West Ham couldn’t have been more accommodating to Bolton and while Bolton scored pre packed gifted goals West Ham had to scrap and craft some great goals to keep up. Highlights of the game were Gillespie S gassing Reynolds B after nonchalantly sizing him up then putting on the after burners. West Ham trying to clear the ball and the West Ham player drilled it against one of his own which then saw the ball ricochet off three other West Ham players and fall right in front of a Bolton player in front of goal. Campione S goal hanging in the first few minutes and get the ball squarely drilled at him by Inglis P. Worth noting it was also very chilly. If West Ham tightened up the basics they would and should have crushed Bolton. Hopefully that will happen soon!
Wed, 11/01/2023	Bolton Wanderers Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Dawes John Romeo Mark Davies Mike Penkethman Saverio Campione Steve Davies	4	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Anton Bettink Charlie Morgan Deven Ghelani Hugo Cuddigan Michael Davies Oliver Gorton Rupert Coltart	4	Bit like the Everton board the Worthless Board were advised to stay away from tonight’s game and so Warner N sent a peace offering with 8 Prahvdas (or whatever they are called I don’t drink) at the pub afterwards. As one bright spark intoned “no rush in coming back” Also 8 pints barely quenches Gorton O & Inglis P thirsts’ so a bit ungenerous some might say! Anyhow to tonight’s game and a strong Bolton tested the Hammers who held their own and indeed were ahead for most of the game (like last week). This time was more painful than losing last week as we should have one but somehow capitulated at key moments to allow Bolton back in. Bolton definitely more disciplined in formation unlike the Hammers free flowing formation which some heathens may liken to pre-prep school football but those in the tactical know know otherwise! Special mention to Cuddogan H who almost scored a beauty of a back post header from a delicious cross from Coltart R. Hammers must put in a win soon!
Wed, 04/01/2023	Bolton Wanderers Ben Donald Harry Harland Hugo Fuller John Dawes John Romeo Mark Davies Michael Davies Saverio Campione	4	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Dan Herbert Hugo Cuddigan Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	2	I blame Hodgson A for this loss as he forgot to remove the magnet in the ball for the second half or at least reverse the one in the crossbar we defended in the second half! West Ham took a comfortable 2-0 half-time lead with some easy play and Bolton never really threatening due to said magnet! Second half West Ham swapped ends and shipped four. As always I write about the biblical event of Moses parting the Red Sea in relation to my team letting the oppo run right down the middle as we all step back and watch! Also very suspect about the score! Everyone tells me it was 4-2 I thought it was 3-2 as I felt bad giving away a soft goal which I thought had allowed Bolton to win but but on working out who scored we knew three of the Bolton goals and then at the last minute Campione S throws up his hands and says he scored an unmemorable goal….no one would dispute the statement merely the fact but in this instance I was apparently wrong!
Wed, 21/12/2022	Bolton Wanderers Charlie Morgan Dan Herbert Deven Ghelani Hugo Fuller Mark Davies	5	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Hugo Cuddigan Mike Penkethman Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	4	The last official game of the 2022 year was a balmy 10 degrees which saw 8 Boltoners go up against 7 Hammers. Bolton had youth on their side in the shapes of Dan, Abdel and Stevenson W (a welcome sight) while West Ham had in theory experience and the nous to grind out a win but sadly that was not to be the case for tonight. The reason for the West Ham win was what some might call an early Christmas miracle. Let me explain. I’ve been playing Worthless football for roughly 15yrs now and as sure as night follows day there is this one player whichever sides he is on without fail patrols the right side for his team. If you did a heat map of his game it would be two bright red sausage shapes of the edges of the pitch (due to swapping of ends at half time otherwise it would be a nuclear crimson sausage of one side!). I guess he sees himself as a slightly better looking Dani Alves! When he’s on the ball his most common phrase when he looks up is “come on someone make a run, move!” No one has the heart to tell him that if he looked up 7 seconds earlier he would have seen the runs and moves! His pub chat seems to revolve around his love of shooting a crossbow while rowing pretty dull but each to their own I guess! Anyhow I digress in the Hammers pre game chat we realised it was going to be a tough game (Coltart R again assuming he is better than he actually is in picking the teams!) and if we marked everyone but said right full back we may stand a chance. Clearly Bolton had a man in the huddle! The game started with some nifty passing by both sides as they tried to work out the other teams weaknesses and soon Bolton realised if they went out wide right they had an extra man and tonight that man had come to play football. Davies Mark (for it is he!) then picked up the ball and cut in field?!? This completely bamboozled the regular West Ham players and what’s more he then shot! Three times this occurred and three times Davies Mark scored. Now you can only play the team put in front of you and not wishing to rain on Boltons parade a special mention must go to Penkethman M who did the whole first half in goal for the Hammers. If he thought this would aid his team resolutely defending the goal he was sadly mistaken. I can only assume under his beanie he had his airpods in and was listening to a podcast on cultural differences between Gaelic and Eastern European folk dancing as whenever a shot came towards him he hopped, slid or pirouetted away from the ball allowing it to trickle in. 4-1 at half time and West Ham realised they needed a slight change of plan and this guy Davies Mark needed to be Mark(ed). Bolton probably took their foot a little of the gas as West Ham clawed it back to 5-4 so technically a 3-1 second half victory! In the pub afterwards Davies Mark was trying to stir up interest for an unofficial game next week presumably with the self belief that another hat trick was in the offing! Sorry Mark Christmas miracles only happen once a year! Merry Christmas everyone!
Wed, 14/12/2022	Bolton Wanderers Anton Bettink Ben Donald Hugo Fuller Mark Davies Nick Warner Saverio Campione	3	West Ham United Charlie Morgan Deven Ghelani Mike Penkethman Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Rupert Coltart	6	Another strange game where it was 3-3 at half time then Bolton fell asleep and West Ham scored three unanswered goals in the second half. Only goal I can remember is Penkethman M desperate to get on the score sheet cooly slotting home from close range. Trouble was it was his own goal! Roll on next week
Wed, 07/12/2022	Bolton Wanderers Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller Mark Davies Michael Davies Ricky Gill Saverio Campione Steve Davies	-	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Hugo Cuddigan Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	-	A bit like Chris Kamara I haven’t got a Scoobie Doo what happened in the game and I was there! Could have been a billion all or half a point to nil for some inexplicable reason can’t remember. Have asked Davies M (Mark not Mike) to see if he wrote anything down with his quill on his parchment! I do remember a no show by Gill R based on Warner N deciding not to play and that we started very late and pulled both goals in for a little bit of four a side until the rest showed up. All a bit chaotic much like this report which perhaps is why I didn’t really remember it! Will update if updated!
Wed, 30/11/2022	Bolton Wanderers Anton Bettink Ben Donald Hugo Fuller John Romeo Mark Davies Saverio Campione	4	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Deven Ghelani Oliver Gorton Rupert Coltart	8	Paternal love as many of us know can occur and be displayed in many different ways and tonight’s demonstration was very subtle. Slightly depleted on players both teams looked to the WAFC youth squad for players and roped in a couple (or cadre) of Campiones playing against their Dad this week and Romeo Jnr earning his second cap trying to rekindle his sparkling partnership with his father that brought a memorable goal (and a win? - check notes Ed) a few weeks ago. A reappearance by Abdel for whites after a long hiatus was also good to see. The game started as usual when the youngsters are involved at a frenetic pace coupled with Abdel’s signature mazey runs and skill something Coltart R can only dream of replicating! The only mazey runs he is aware of require a loo to be close at hand! At such a pace goals were inevitable and half time found both sides unable to be split at 4 a piece. However the second half was a completely different story and the Hammers scored four unanswered goals and looked like they were in complete control. Yet we weren’t by any stretch which really puzzled this seasoned WAFC commentator. It wasn’t until I watched the reruns of the game several times (the games are recorded? - Ed) that I noticed the real reason for the victory and how deftly it was achieved. Whether it was conscious or subconscious Campione S at some point decided nothing would make his sons happier than a win and so (selflessly some might say)(WHO? - Ed) decided that he would ease up his usual Messi-esque (surely just messy - Ed) play for Bolton in the second half in a quest for a Hammers win. It was very cleverly done; the odd mispass, the slow tracking, the mishit in front of goal the pretending not to know who he’s marking in the midst of a game difficult to spot but on reflection and reviewing footage showed a true master deliberately (mis)crafting his skill for the benefit of his sons. That’s the definition of paternal love! See you all next week
Wed, 23/11/2022	Bolton Wanderers Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Romeo Mark Davies Nick Warner Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie Steve Davies	3	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Anton Bettink Hugo Cuddigan Michael Davies Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	4	No Coltart R faffing around at the back giving a goal away meant Reds were able to secure the win. Another close game which was heading to a draw until a fortuitous rebound off the roof goal (one of the three Worthless specialised permitted goals in the rule book along with headers in the box and democratic voting on spectacular volleys or own goals in the box, this one was last called into use in the 2007 Winter of discontent season) scored by Davies P who pretty much mis-hit the ball intending for a (in his dreams) on the turn curling top left wrong footed shot but either way beat an up till then difficult to beat Baker G. Roll on next week
Wed, 16/11/2022	Bolton Wanderers Ben Donald Charlie Morgan Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Romeo Mark Davies Simon Gillespie Steve Davies	3	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Dan Herbert Hugo Cuddigan John Dawes Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	3	Second week running Coltart R got caught with the ball and was the last man (before the keeper) for reds resulting in whites scoring. this time Romeo J took the ball of him and a neat back pass set up the on rushing Davies S who duly scored. Clearly if this hadn’t happened Reds would have won instead they found themselves chasing the game which is always more stressful and tedious.
Wed, 09/11/2022	Bolton Wanderers Anton Bettink Ben Donald Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller Mark Davies Nick Warner Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie	4	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Harry Harland Hugo Cuddigan Michael Davies Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	5	Another close exciting game and credit must go to the guy who picks the teams….me! Anyhow Coltart R turned up 6mins late to find Bolton had taken advantage of the extra man by scoring. Considering this unsporting and at full strength West Ham quickly levelled. It is much easier to remember your own teams goals than the opposition’s so apologies Bolton will take better note. Two of West Ham’s goals were quick breakaways that resulted in their final player receiving the ball with back to goal. On both occasions they were able to hold the ball up and tee it up for an on rushing team mate to drill it home. It was slick! Some entertaining (read dubious) handball and foul calls kept us all on our toes. I would say none of us are skilful enough to deliberately handball and due to lack of skill the odd mistimed tackle happens. My advice don’t get near anyone when playing including your own teammate!
Wed, 02/11/2022	Bolton Wanderers Barney Reynolds Ben Donald Gordon Baker Harry Harland Hugo Fuller Mark Davies Nick Warner Saverio Campione	4	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Hugo Cuddigan John Dawes Michael Davies Mike Penkethman Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Steve Davies	1	No idea of the score as I wasn’t playing but I understand it was a moist game!
Wed, 26/10/2022	Bolton Wanderers Deven Ghelani Harry Harland Hugo Fuller John Romeo Saverio Campione	5	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Anton Bettink Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	5	Like the Conservative party the WAFC committee are going to start making up the rules and require 100 members to vote to allow a Fuller daughter to play in goal in future as they are frankly too good and fearless for our games! As mentioned in a previous report Evie and Violet threw themselves all over the place and while 10 goals in a game seems a lot if it had been a usual game it would have been load more as none of us dive or hurl ourselves about. The reason for the higher than usual shots on goal is due to the additional players aged under 20 who ran the regulars ragged with their end to end box running and crisp passing and shooting. Reds had two young Campiones going up against their father along with one of their friends and Whites had Romeo Jnr playing with his father. Whites also had a ringer who wore a red top with a mini fluorescent bib thereby not confirming to either strip but that didn’t seem to bother him but was definitely annoying for reds. Goals of note were a Romeomdouble act with son steaming down one side drilling a cross along the ground for Dad to arrive a thump in. Another was a one two with two of the younger reds doing some one two play down one side culminating in a high cross for the on rushing Frederic to leap and head in. At one point reds were 5-2 down but rallied to draw. Thanks to everyone for a fun and enjoyable game.
Wed, 12/10/2022	Bolton Wanderers Amr Abulaban Anton Bettink Hugo Fuller John Romeo Mark Davies Nick Warner Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie	3	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Dan Herbert Harry Harland Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Steve Davies	4	Injuries sustained early on by Steve Davies (back) and late by Pete Davies (hamstring) serve as a chilling reminder on this clement evening that we (the royal variety) are not as young as we used to be...and that, in general, players should take a leaf out of Inglis's's's's book in terms of amount of energy spent shouting at others versus that spent in actual physical activity.
Wed, 05/10/2022	Bolton Wanderers Ben Donald Dan Herbert Hugo Fuller Mark Davies Michael Davies Steve Davies	5	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Mike Penkethman Oliver Gorton Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	3	Wore my lucky shirt and of course we lost! Firstly a debate took place if we should play 6 v 6 and move the goals in or rope in two ringers. We roped in two ringers. While neither were rapid one could play football and was signed by Bolton. The other claimed he could play football. Perhaps he meant Subbuteo or table football as the newly signed Daniel for the Hammers seemed to be channeling his best impression of a woeful and ineffective Cuddigan H! He goal hung, didn’t track back, perhaps was blind as his vision for the easy ball was non existent and every time he mis-controlled or got hit by the ball rolled around on the floor! Now while some of you may say that is a good impression of Cuddigan H the fundamental and crucial difference was that Cuddigan H scores the odd goal. Daniel couldn’t score in a brothel even if we paid all the girls in the house of sin! To be fair the Hammers to a man left their shooting boots at home. Hammers had more possession and almost five times as many shots as Bolton yet we didn’t win. Could be a worrying season if the Hammers don’t start scoring. Opening goal was a strange one. Coltart R received the ball about five yards from his own goal. Feeling a little bit of pressure from the Bolton striker and nothing clear in front of him he no looked passed back to his keeper. Trouble was the Hammers keeper was not in his goal. Instead he was playing left back in a 3-2-2 formation the sum of that formation negating a keeper! Don’t think I have ever scored an own goal till tonight! Second goal was a lovely back heel volley from Davies S on the edge of the Hammers area after some lovely work down the right side for Bolton culminating in a deft chip,to Davies S to back heel volley in. Can’t remember the third goal but the scoring went 3-0, 3-1,3-2, 4-2,4-3,5-3. If it had been shots on goal as a metric for the result it would have been as mentioned above 107-7 the Hammers. Must start scoring! Good game played in a fair spirit too. Roll on next week
Wed, 28/09/2022	Bolton Wanderers Ben Donald Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Romeo Mark Davies Mike Penkethman Nick Warner Simon Gillespie	3	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Dan Herbert Hugo Cuddigan Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	6	Not sure of last weeks score but for me playing this was the Hammers first win. A dominant performance with West Ham basically coughing up goals to allow Bolton a chance to get back in. Some nice Bolton goals in particular a solo Warner N run from the half way line after a crazy pass attempt by one Hammer player but Warner still had to go round several Hammers and drilled the ball into the goal rolling back the years to his clinical finishing when younger. Hammers goals were all disciplined team playing. Was wearing my 2022/2023 long sleeve Hammer shirt. Could this be this seasons lucky shirt for me?
Wed, 14/09/2022	Bolton Wanderers Ben Donald Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Romeo Mark Davies Nick Warner Saverio Campione Steve Davies	4	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Hugo Cuddigan Michael Davies Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	3	We was robbed! To a man that is what every Hammers player said as they left the pitch some perhaps with better grammar but the gist was clear. A stronger looking Bolton side never really got going yet somehow managed to win. Is that the sign of a good team? Either way the Hammers went 2-0 and just like last week the first goal was a contender for goal of the season. Some nifty play down the Hammers left side by one of their players drew several Bolton defenders towards him. A glance up saw Cuddigan H in the middle of the park 15 yards from goal. Pretending to go down the line Coltart R (for it is he) executed a no look side pass into the path of the on rushing Cuddigan H who without stopping laced the ball into the top left ricocheting off the cross bar and in. A (mis-placed) confidence swept through the Hammers and as mentioned above they went 2-0 up at half time. Second half I have blocked out but suffice to say the score went 2-1, 3-1 then last 10 mins the Hammers pretended they had never played football or just switched off to ship 3 simple goals. The pub nearly had a full complement of both teams but as someone intoned only people whose surnames start with “D” and end in “avies “ were only 25% in attendance! Am away next week so anyone wishing to cover this send an email to completedrivel@worthless.com for the login deets.