Match Statistics

Date	Team 1	Goals 1	Team 2	Goals 2	Match reports
Wed, 27/09/2023	England Hugo Cuddigan John Park Mark Davies Oliver Gorton Rupert Coltart Simon Gillespie	5	Spain Alexander Hodgson Ben Donald Charlie Morgan Deven Ghelani Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller Mike Penkethman	5	The Knights of the Round Table featured heavily this evening as England short by two enlisted Arthur and a gentleman who when asked his name said "Call me Lorrick" (herein referred to as CML though he looked more like a Trevor!). Arthur's skills like the lady in the lake were more fantasy than fact however CML was definitely a Sir Lancelot on the pitch. Great skill and pace by CML dismantled Spain to open up a 4-1 lead at half time. Usual half time chat by whichever Worthless team is ahead of “same again lads we can’t botch this up can we?” resulted in England botching the second half up and allowing Spain back into the game. It was almost as if England didn’t know how to play football a carbon copy of the national team! CML had done a Merlin and disappeared onto the wing and seem to be spell bound to stay there and Arthur might as well been looking for Guinevere. 4-4 and a rare flash of genius by Coltart R made it 5-4 to England to spare their blushes but lo apparently it was discount day at the make up shop and England conceded a feeble goal in the dying seconds to allow Spain a draw. However Spain have yet to win a fixture this season!
Wed, 20/09/2023	England Anton Bettink Charlie Morgan Deven Ghelani Hugo Cuddigan John Romeo Mark Davies Michael Davies Rupert Coltart	8	Spain Alexander Hodgson Ben Donald Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller Paddy Inglis Ricky Gill Saverio Campione Steve Davies	4	First game of the season for Coltart R and he nearly didn’t make it into the pitch as the new (and seriously under-signed so we all get tickets) Westway Parking Hours had changed from 8pm to 10pm with a new payment app that was as an unintuitive as its name suggested! Anyhow deciding a ticket maybe a small price to pay for the game he wandered onto the pitch. New strips for the new season caught his eye but what caught his eye even more was that there was one less red shirted player. Sadly Reds were one short and ultimately that proved very costly and perhaps ruined the game somewhat as the teams are generally picked to give a fair balanced game. Ironically not everyone on whites noticed they had the man advantage till half time showing that an Etonian and Cambridge education is perhaps not worth the money! As a result of some whites thinking it was even numbers Spain took advantage and scored the first goal indeed at one point it was 2-2! The turning point was a Cuddigan H goal. Coltart R intercepted a wayward Spanish pass and broke towards the Spanish goal. With Romeo J to his left and Cuddigan H to his right and only two Spanish defenders in front of him he faked a pass to Romeo J and then teed up Cuddigan H with a weighted pass. Deciding the angle for him was too easy Cuddigan H knocked the ball further right making the angle more oblique before drilling it into the bottom left corner! 3-2 up and England cut loose and once comfortably ahead started faffing around with trick passes or over complicated passes allowing Spain to sneak two goals but they were never in any danger! Two games two wins for England! Come on Spain!
Wed, 13/09/2023	England Abdelilah Saham Hugo Cuddigan John Park Mark Davies Mike Penkethman Simon Gillespie Steve Davies	6	Spain Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Hugo Fuller Nick Warner Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Saverio Campione	5	Welcome back new season and new teams (three people from the two teams last season just switched over its not rocket science!) While not playing my “unbiased” spies tell me 6-5 flattered Spain and England should have comfortably won. Rumours of any other goals clearly are fantasy and malign the good Worthless Athletic Name. Shame on you…..
Wed, 28/06/2023	Bolton Wanderers Charlie Morgan Hugo Fuller Mark Davies Mike Penkethman Nick Warner Paul Sharp Saverio Campione Steve Davies	1	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Daniel Rodger Deven Ghelani Hugo Cuddigan Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	8	TBH I lost track of the score but umpteen-1 isn’t an option on this poor website (can we get a 4.2ios Mohawk software update please?!?) So I hold my hands up and admit that last night the dream metric team picking analyser failed spectacularly! It also didn’t help that I wanted to play with a good friend who happened to be a great player thereby slightly unbalancing the teams from the get go. Last couple of weeks I have noticed an interesting statistic that the louder and nosier you are as a player the weaker you are as a footballer! Not that I am suggesting if you all shut up you’ll be better footballers and we play in silence (though I honestly believe some of you are incapable of being quiet for less than a second) but I’ve noticed a few players making some loud calls for the ball while saying (loudly) what they’ll do when they get it and then invariably doing nothing of the sort (9 times out of 10 they lose it and the other team score almost immediately!) Anyhow on a balmy and humid night West Ham were 3-0 up in 12 mins and from there Bolton were doomed. Daniel “Jockey” Rodger ran the show for West Ham which allowed the rest of the team time and space to play football and it worked really well. As one Bolton player opined in the pub afterwards “literally everything Daniel and the rest of you did worked and you scored and everything we did also worked…for you!” There were some wonderfully worked goals generally derived from lovely crosses from one side or another that the onrushing Hammer player met with a header or volley or half volley or mis-hit! Coltart R in the second half become monastic in his approach to delivering the perfect cross and everyone for the Hammers had an enjoyable game while Bolton didn’t! Two more games left of the season and already heated discussions about next seasons’s teams……Canvey Island Derby here we come…..or how about simply Oxford United vs Cambridge United though knowing how moronic some of us with our tops we’ll all just turn up in the same blue!
Wed, 21/06/2023	Bolton Wanderers Abdelilah Saham Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Romeo Mark Davies Nick Warner Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie	1	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Anton Bettink Hugo Cuddigan Michael Davies Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	3	A stern pre match chat from the Hammers skipper that none of last week’s antics were acceptable and while not looking at anyone (Coltart R) show-boating was to be kept to a minimum and in fact none whatsoever. And for once everyone heeded his request! A well-organised Hammers ground out a 3-1 win against a Bolton side who continually kept pushing for a goal and played well. In fact an overall good game of football!
Wed, 14/06/2023	Bolton Wanderers Charlie Morgan Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller Mark Davies Nick Warner Saverio Campione Steve Davies	7	West Ham United Abdelilah Saham Alexander Hodgson Deven Ghelani Hugo Cuddigan Michael Davies Paddy Inglis Paul Sharp Pete Davies	1	Didn’t play but hear a complete reversal of last week and West Ham were awful. I wonder what the differing factor between the results was…..hang on could it be me!
Wed, 07/06/2023	Bolton Wanderers Deven Ghelani Gordon Baker John Dawes Mark Davies Mike Penkethman Paul Sharp Saverio Campione Steve Davies	1	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Daniel Rodger Hugo Cuddigan Michael Davies Pete Davies Richard Aseme Rupert Coltart	8	Tonight was all about West Ham both in Prague and Shepherd’s Bush! Both games utilised the Europa League Conference Ball. The only subtle difference was the scoreline. On paper the teams were meant to be evenly matched however West Ham after last week’s defeat played proper football tonight. Crisp, quick passing to their own team (usually to the oppo!) meant Bolton never really got a look in in the first half despite having an almost equal share of the ball. West Ham just used the ball better and we’re prepared to build up towards the goal rather than their usual frantic hoof and dash tactic. 4-0 at half time and West Ham’s half time chat suggested some complacency and over confidence may help their cause however this was just in jest! Bolton’s half time chat looked more like a funeral or at least a post mortem as they were shell shocked. Could this be a niller some West Hammers thought. As always though the charitable Hodgson A spared Bolton’s blushes when he went in goal by wafting with his fist at a very long distance weak shot. It almost looked like he was shepherding it into his goal! Anyhow despite this donation West Ham continued their dominance and as full time rolled round walked off smugly wondering if their counter parts in Lrague had faired much better! Special mention to Campione S midway through the first half as a high cross came in stood on the edge of the Hammers area and for a split second shaped up as if he was going to do a bicycle kick but just before launching himself common sense kicked in and as he hunched down to pounce just massaged his back and continued on with the game! Credit to him thou a few minutes later for hurling himself as another cross came in and getting a face full of black crumbs! It was slightly entertaining as his timing was off so the ball shot along the face of the goal and then as everyone else was heading off to one side he just flung himself!
Wed, 31/05/2023	Bolton Wanderers Abdelilah Saham Hugo Fuller John Dawes John Romeo Mark Davies Nick Warner Saverio Campione	7	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan John Park Michael Davies Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	3	I seem to block out games I play badly in. I know the argument could be made therefore how any match reports ever get written! West Ham just were not at the races today for whatever reason. No formation or cohesion allowed Bolton to really score at will. Usual antics of not picking up certain players didnt help. Welcome return to the game of the co-Chariman Warner N added some entertainment. Good to see he hadnt lost any of his skill as usual. Warner N also reminded us of the rules that there is no tackling at least any that occurs is generally accidental and not meant to be aggressive. A little bit of argey bargey by a couple of players seemingly unnecessary. Anyhow just noticed the word "lost" should not be in the above sentence apologies please delete when reading. Role on next week and I promise to write a more detailed report even if we lose!
Wed, 17/05/2023	Bolton Wanderers Abdelilah Saham Ben Donald Deven Ghelani Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Dawes Mark Davies Paul Sharp	4	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Hugo Cuddigan Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Rupert Coltart Steve Davies	4	Over confidence was West Ham’s undoing tonight. Rarely do the Hammers feel their team is the strongest but tonight we thought we would give Bolton a thumping. However Big Sam would have been proud of tonight’s Bolton team who had the height advantage and used it to full effect in three of their four goals! West Ham started the brightest and pinged the ball gleefully around leaving Bolton chasing shadows. However Bolton did get a few intercepts from over passing and immediately pushed forward with Baker G & Dawes J using their height and strength to muscle into the Hammers back third. A cross for Bolton by Davies M saw Inglis P and Gorton jumping with Baker G and the ball flicking of Inglis P’s head into his own goal for Bolton to take the lead. The Hammers soon pegged them back but just before half time another Bolton cross at pace was met by an almost diving Baker G who headed into the net. 2-1 at half time and the Hammers were bemused that they were not miles ahead. Our veteran striker noted that if we kept our shots under the cross bar and inbetween the two posts we may take the lead. A novel tactic granted and again the Hammers started the half the brighter but soon again conceded to another blasted header! A draw now seemed the only hope for the Hammers who besieged the Bolton goal with wave after wave of attack and this resulted in them actually taking the lead to 4-3. Content that they had won they switched off to allow Baker G to sneak in at the back post after a sumptuous cross from Fuller H allowing Baker G the option of heading or volleying the ball into the net. He chose the later in this instance! Special mention to the Europa League conference ball used everyone liked it. Next week will be a Europa League ball and we’ll finish the season with a Champions League ball. I will be attending the pub for the last few weeks giving notice to this who wish to avoid me!
Wed, 10/05/2023	Bolton Wanderers Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Dawes Mark Davies Mike Penkethman Paul Sharp Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie	0	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Deven Ghelani Hugo Cuddigan Michael Davies Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Steve Davies	0	Don’t know the result as I was not playing. I was at the San Siro instead watching the 1st leg UCL semifinal AC v Inter and you know what I could have been watching a WAFC game. Indeed we ran these teams in 2013 and while I have not looked back at the match reports tonight’s San Siro had all the hallmarks of Pitch 4 on a Wednesday night. Two teams perhaps surprised to be at this juncture with a few oldies who are beginning to run out of puff and may need to be out out to pasture. Players blaming the pitch and bobble for their wild off target shots when the surface is immaculate. Ball apparently too heavy, a couple of players thinking they are the referee, some silly nudges and a random dive. One team sneaking a lead then sitting and defending deep rest of the game. Honestly don’t know why I spent so much travelling to Milan when I could have driven down to the Westway and watched you lot! The fans were slightly better looking than ours though that is of course not including the great B Davies when he graces our sidelines. Anyhow surreal how art imitates life!
Wed, 26/04/2023	Bolton Wanderers Abdelilah Saham Anton Bettink Charlie Morgan Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Dawes Mark Davies Simon Gillespie	3	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Hugo Cuddigan Michael Davies Mike Penkethman Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Steve Davies	3	One of the perks of arranging the teams is if you can play at the last minute you can generally bulldoze yourself into the game! Thus Coltart R was able to twist the Chairman’s arm and make the game a 9 v 9 affair! The odd occasion this has occurred before (not by my bulldozing but by nincompoops thinking they were down to play when they were not) the games have been pretty poor however tonight’s was a belter. The last couple of games I have played in have all been good tight affairs and while not wishing to self-congratulate myself that is in part to picking balanced teams. Everyone was involved and bizarrely the fact we all had less space to move in meant the passing and skill was raised which begs the question is everyone just being lazy when they normally play! Anyhow the usual WAFC scoreline happened where one team goes 3-1 filled with over confidence lets the other side score two for the draw. It must be noted West Ham’s equaliser was scored by Cuddigan H from a whipped along the ground cross which he caught at full speed to drill into the top of the net (nanometers from sending it over!) right on the edge of the area (some say in but not) and on the 99th minute as the fans (other game) wandered on. However they all count!
Wed, 19/04/2023	Bolton Wanderers Dan Herbert Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Romeo Mark Davies Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie Steve Davies	4	West Ham United Anton Bettink Charlie Morgan Hugo Cuddigan John Park Michael Davies Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	1	Sometimes you have to accept when you have a stinker of a game and tonight Coltart R had such a game. Nothing seemed to go right for him or West Ham which is strange given that even when they are underdogs and up against it they put up a fight. Tonight thought nothing and Bolton’s five or six shots yielded four goals. None of them were particularly inspired goals but they scored more than West Ham and simply played better. Coltart R will skip the next game as he ponders what went wrong and why he turned up so off the pace…..
Wed, 12/04/2023	Bolton Wanderers Deven Ghelani Hugo Fuller John Dawes John Romeo Paul Sharp Saverio Campione	3	West Ham United Anton Bettink Charlie Morgan Michael Davies Mike Penkethman Paddy Inglis Rupert Coltart	4	4-3 to West Ham or 3-3 draw. Without our usual fourth official Baker G it was hard to know as Bettink A headed in a 90mins (+7mins) winner which coincided with a pitch invasion by the fans celebrating wildly (or possibly the next game asking us to leave the pitch). Either way it was a great gritty game of football which involved all 16 players and the standard of football and various points was high. West Ham a bit like Chelsea at the moment were more than capable of getting to the edge of Boston’s area but then didn’t know where to go or what to do. Where is their talismanic striker Cuddigan H?!? Wherever he is please come back! As a result at half time West Ham found themselves two goals down. Boston’s first goal was another Worthless classic as Bolton swung a ball in from the left side only for a goal mouth scramble to ensue and one West Ham player attempted a hefty clearance only for the clearance to ricochet off a team mate and into the goal. When everyone looked around the goal mouth scramble consisted of only 7 West Ham players! Boston’s second was another Worthless usual as West Ham parted like the Red Sea allowing a Bolton player to wander (amble or stroll more like) down the middle of the pitch and score. I never quite knows what drives WAFC teams to suddenly all feel the need to mark out wide simultaneously! Anyhow a stern West Ham half time talk led by grizzled veteran Inglis P seemed to spark a little bit of life into West Ham with Bettink A’s outside-in runs causing Bolton problems and creating more opportunities. Taking nothing away from West Ham it should be noted that Boston’s keeper the normal salmon like jumping Campione S was nursing a sore buttock and so was not as agile as usual. It seemed West Ham didn’t notice this fact either for most of the game however they were soon all square and indeed ahead and looking to be heading for an impressive win until Bolton scrambled home a third. All square an neither side wanting to lose the game became very Italian in its defensive/probing play. As mentioned above a last gasp charge by West Ham with the game possibly being over resulted in a goal and a win for the Hammers!
Wed, 05/04/2023	Bolton Wanderers Charlie Morgan Deven Ghelani Hugo Fuller John Romeo Mark Davies Saverio Campione	4	West Ham United Hugo Cuddigan Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	7	7 Boltoners took on 7 Hammers with a Carabo Cup feel to the game as the youth squad of WAFC was tapped into with three under 18s playing. It was a fairly close affair being all square at half time but then West Ham found their rhythm and Bolton had no response. Goal of the evening went to Zac Romeo picked the ball up out wide in his own half and charged down the line toward the Hammers goal. Davies P called out to Coltart R “Rupert have you got him covered” to which Coltart R said “no problem I have got him marked” Zac clearly taking offence to this wound up and let rip and unstoppable 35 yard zinger ending up bottom corner opposite side of the goal (Tower Block End/Stand). Coltart R turned sheepishly to Davies P and said “I guess I don’t have him!” But thankfully this blip did not alter the result.
Wed, 08/03/2023	Bolton Wanderers Abdelilah Saham Ben Donald Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Romeo Mark Davies Saverio Campione	3	West Ham United Hugo Cuddigan John Dawes Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Steve Davies	6	Despite a strong Bolton line up West Ham were too good and turned up and played football. Coupled with one of those evenings where everything worked for West Ham meant the scoreline flattered Bolton who could have lost by more. Funny old game.
Wed, 01/03/2023	Bolton Wanderers Ben Donald Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller Mark Davies Michael Davies Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie Steve Davies	2	West Ham United Abdelilah Saham Alexander Hodgson Anton Bettink Charlie Morgan Deven Ghelani Oliver Gorton Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	3	Question: What happens when your most capped defender and striker are unavailable to play? Answer: You win the game. This is indeed what happened to West Ham who like the week before went up against a strong Bolton team but this time emerged victorious. The game was not the expansive and open play of the week before but more a tight, crisp passing affair with lots of niggles and attrition very much like when West Ham's Premiership brothers win their matches! Given the large numbers that read these reports I feel I must point out (again) that any foul or tackle is never intentional as none of us are that talented and so anyone who feels the need to put in a retaliatory tackle for some mishap that befell them earlier needs to calm down as no one intends to injure anyone in our games! The only exception to this (retaliatory) rule and why it never happens anymore is the mythical (though actual) tackle by O'Reilly G that has been told and handed down through the Worthless generations......if you don't know it feel free to ask one of the gnarly veterans and watch them wince!
Wed, 22/02/2023	Bolton Wanderers Gordon Baker John Dawes John Romeo Mark Davies Simon Gillespie Steve Davies	3	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Hugo Cuddigan John Park Michael Davies Paddy Inglis Rupert Coltart	2	A very strong Bolton team saw a lot of hand-wringing by West Ham before kick off and accusations that once again the guy who picks the teams thinks he is better than he is. However while Bolton brought Abdel into their ranks West Ham picked up Jan. Jan for those of you who dont know often plays in a retro Bayern Munich outfit from the 90s. Those of you (like the guy who picks the teams) also know that Jan is actually fond of wearing the kit (or parts of it) from when he did in fact play for Bayern Munich (albeit their youth team). Jan thankfully negated most of Bolton's onslaught and indeed West Ham managed to take the lead against the run of play. A slight parking of the bus by West Ham (fatigue or tactics is somewhat disputed) then ensued and sadly they could not properly defend a barrage of both long range and short range shots allowing Bolton to score two. However this only energised West Ham who went off in search of an equalizer and duly got it. On the ascendency and sensing a famous win West Ham played some great football only for their talismanic striker to be cynically scythed down by Dawes "Chopper" J. Nursing a bruised ankle resulted in Cuddigan H being less potent than usual and West Ham's attack was somewhat blunted. With a draw looking likely West Ham switched off and allowed Baker G to steamroll down the left side as defenders stood aside and waved (surely attempted to tackle-Ed) and toe-poke a rocket into the back of the net much to the dismay of the part of the west ham team that had not taken part in the great parting by their teammates. Despite the loss West Ham can hold their heads high as in theory they should have been onto the end of a pasting however an inspired Jan assisted team play meant they almost won it.
Wed, 25/01/2023	Bolton Wanderers Ben Donald Dan Herbert Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Romeo Mark Davies Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie	1	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Harry Harland Hugo Cuddigan John Park Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	4	A lot of discussion by the Hammers before the game about needing to win and how to do so was quickly rewarded when we realised we had 9 players! Once again the fiendishly complicated system of log on and tick name website alluded one of the oxbridge crowd. Sadly Bolton noticed too but were quite happy and game to play on to their credit. As with any professional match when one team has superior numbers it generally tells and so it proved in this game as after 15/20mins of the first half with Bolton actually having the better chances a soft West Ham shot fooled Bolton's keeper resulting in momentum shifting to West Ham and Bolton becoming a bit deflated as they realised they had a slight mountain to climb. 7/8mins after the first goal it was 4-0 West Ham and half time. West Ham knew the game was theirs and took their foot of in the second half and while we may claim tactical awareness meant we defended deeply we were probably all a bit tired. Bolton played better and snuck a goal to avoid a niller. Full time and everyone trudged off half not satisfied they one but an extra player and the other half for not getting more from their endeavour.
Wed, 18/01/2023	Bolton Wanderers Ben Donald Charlie Morgan Hugo Fuller Mark Davies Michael Davies Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie Steve Davies	10	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Barney Reynolds Hugo Cuddigan John Park Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies	8	Tonight’s game was all about generosity and kindness least on the West Ham teams part as they pretty much assisted Bolton in scoring ten goals! You wonder sometimes what the point of a pre game or half time chat is or indeed are you speaking a different language or some of your team are too proud to acknowledge their hearing is going. Does “play the simple pass”, “the ball moves quicker than you” and “don’t get caught with the ball when the last man” mean something different outside of the W1 postcode?!? Short of bending over West Ham couldn’t have been more accommodating to Bolton and while Bolton scored pre packed gifted goals West Ham had to scrap and craft some great goals to keep up. Highlights of the game were Gillespie S gassing Reynolds B after nonchalantly sizing him up then putting on the after burners. West Ham trying to clear the ball and the West Ham player drilled it against one of his own which then saw the ball ricochet off three other West Ham players and fall right in front of a Bolton player in front of goal. Campione S goal hanging in the first few minutes and get the ball squarely drilled at him by Inglis P. Worth noting it was also very chilly. If West Ham tightened up the basics they would and should have crushed Bolton. Hopefully that will happen soon!
Wed, 11/01/2023	Bolton Wanderers Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Dawes John Romeo Mark Davies Mike Penkethman Saverio Campione Steve Davies	4	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Anton Bettink Charlie Morgan Deven Ghelani Hugo Cuddigan Michael Davies Oliver Gorton Rupert Coltart	4	Bit like the Everton board the Worthless Board were advised to stay away from tonight’s game and so Warner N sent a peace offering with 8 Prahvdas (or whatever they are called I don’t drink) at the pub afterwards. As one bright spark intoned “no rush in coming back” Also 8 pints barely quenches Gorton O & Inglis P thirsts’ so a bit ungenerous some might say! Anyhow to tonight’s game and a strong Bolton tested the Hammers who held their own and indeed were ahead for most of the game (like last week). This time was more painful than losing last week as we should have one but somehow capitulated at key moments to allow Bolton back in. Bolton definitely more disciplined in formation unlike the Hammers free flowing formation which some heathens may liken to pre-prep school football but those in the tactical know know otherwise! Special mention to Cuddogan H who almost scored a beauty of a back post header from a delicious cross from Coltart R. Hammers must put in a win soon!
Wed, 04/01/2023	Bolton Wanderers Ben Donald Harry Harland Hugo Fuller John Dawes John Romeo Mark Davies Michael Davies Saverio Campione	4	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Dan Herbert Hugo Cuddigan Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	2	I blame Hodgson A for this loss as he forgot to remove the magnet in the ball for the second half or at least reverse the one in the crossbar we defended in the second half! West Ham took a comfortable 2-0 half-time lead with some easy play and Bolton never really threatening due to said magnet! Second half West Ham swapped ends and shipped four. As always I write about the biblical event of Moses parting the Red Sea in relation to my team letting the oppo run right down the middle as we all step back and watch! Also very suspect about the score! Everyone tells me it was 4-2 I thought it was 3-2 as I felt bad giving away a soft goal which I thought had allowed Bolton to win but but on working out who scored we knew three of the Bolton goals and then at the last minute Campione S throws up his hands and says he scored an unmemorable goal….no one would dispute the statement merely the fact but in this instance I was apparently wrong!
Wed, 21/12/2022	Bolton Wanderers Charlie Morgan Dan Herbert Deven Ghelani Hugo Fuller Mark Davies	5	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Hugo Cuddigan Mike Penkethman Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	4	The last official game of the 2022 year was a balmy 10 degrees which saw 8 Boltoners go up against 7 Hammers. Bolton had youth on their side in the shapes of Dan, Abdel and Stevenson W (a welcome sight) while West Ham had in theory experience and the nous to grind out a win but sadly that was not to be the case for tonight. The reason for the West Ham win was what some might call an early Christmas miracle. Let me explain. I’ve been playing Worthless football for roughly 15yrs now and as sure as night follows day there is this one player whichever sides he is on without fail patrols the right side for his team. If you did a heat map of his game it would be two bright red sausage shapes of the edges of the pitch (due to swapping of ends at half time otherwise it would be a nuclear crimson sausage of one side!). I guess he sees himself as a slightly better looking Dani Alves! When he’s on the ball his most common phrase when he looks up is “come on someone make a run, move!” No one has the heart to tell him that if he looked up 7 seconds earlier he would have seen the runs and moves! His pub chat seems to revolve around his love of shooting a crossbow while rowing pretty dull but each to their own I guess! Anyhow I digress in the Hammers pre game chat we realised it was going to be a tough game (Coltart R again assuming he is better than he actually is in picking the teams!) and if we marked everyone but said right full back we may stand a chance. Clearly Bolton had a man in the huddle! The game started with some nifty passing by both sides as they tried to work out the other teams weaknesses and soon Bolton realised if they went out wide right they had an extra man and tonight that man had come to play football. Davies Mark (for it is he!) then picked up the ball and cut in field?!? This completely bamboozled the regular West Ham players and what’s more he then shot! Three times this occurred and three times Davies Mark scored. Now you can only play the team put in front of you and not wishing to rain on Boltons parade a special mention must go to Penkethman M who did the whole first half in goal for the Hammers. If he thought this would aid his team resolutely defending the goal he was sadly mistaken. I can only assume under his beanie he had his airpods in and was listening to a podcast on cultural differences between Gaelic and Eastern European folk dancing as whenever a shot came towards him he hopped, slid or pirouetted away from the ball allowing it to trickle in. 4-1 at half time and West Ham realised they needed a slight change of plan and this guy Davies Mark needed to be Mark(ed). Bolton probably took their foot a little of the gas as West Ham clawed it back to 5-4 so technically a 3-1 second half victory! In the pub afterwards Davies Mark was trying to stir up interest for an unofficial game next week presumably with the self belief that another hat trick was in the offing! Sorry Mark Christmas miracles only happen once a year! Merry Christmas everyone!
Wed, 14/12/2022	Bolton Wanderers Anton Bettink Ben Donald Hugo Fuller Mark Davies Nick Warner Saverio Campione	3	West Ham United Charlie Morgan Deven Ghelani Mike Penkethman Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Rupert Coltart	6	Another strange game where it was 3-3 at half time then Bolton fell asleep and West Ham scored three unanswered goals in the second half. Only goal I can remember is Penkethman M desperate to get on the score sheet cooly slotting home from close range. Trouble was it was his own goal! Roll on next week
Wed, 07/12/2022	Bolton Wanderers Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller Mark Davies Michael Davies Ricky Gill Saverio Campione Steve Davies	0	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Hugo Cuddigan Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	0	A bit like Chris Kamara I haven’t got a Scoobie Doo what happened in the game and I was there! Could have been a billion all or half a point to nil for some inexplicable reason can’t remember. Have asked Davies M (Mark not Mike) to see if he wrote anything down with his quill on his parchment! I do remember a no show by Gill R based on Warner N deciding not to play and that we started very late and pulled both goals in for a little bit of four a side until the rest showed up. All a bit chaotic much like this report which perhaps is why I didn’t really remember it! Will update if updated!
Wed, 30/11/2022	Bolton Wanderers Anton Bettink Ben Donald Hugo Fuller John Romeo Mark Davies Saverio Campione	4	West Ham United Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Deven Ghelani Oliver Gorton Rupert Coltart	8	Paternal love as many of us know can occur and be displayed in many different ways and tonight’s demonstration was very subtle. Slightly depleted on players both teams looked to the WAFC youth squad for players and roped in a couple (or cadre) of Campiones playing against their Dad this week and Romeo Jnr earning his second cap trying to rekindle his sparkling partnership with his father that brought a memorable goal (and a win? - check notes Ed) a few weeks ago. A reappearance by Abdel for whites after a long hiatus was also good to see. The game started as usual when the youngsters are involved at a frenetic pace coupled with Abdel’s signature mazey runs and skill something Coltart R can only dream of replicating! The only mazey runs he is aware of require a loo to be close at hand! At such a pace goals were inevitable and half time found both sides unable to be split at 4 a piece. However the second half was a completely different story and the Hammers scored four unanswered goals and looked like they were in complete control. Yet we weren’t by any stretch which really puzzled this seasoned WAFC commentator. It wasn’t until I watched the reruns of the game several times (the games are recorded? - Ed) that I noticed the real reason for the victory and how deftly it was achieved. Whether it was conscious or subconscious Campione S at some point decided nothing would make his sons happier than a win and so (selflessly some might say)(WHO? - Ed) decided that he would ease up his usual Messi-esque (surely just messy - Ed) play for Bolton in the second half in a quest for a Hammers win. It was very cleverly done; the odd mispass, the slow tracking, the mishit in front of goal the pretending not to know who he’s marking in the midst of a game difficult to spot but on reflection and reviewing footage showed a true master deliberately (mis)crafting his skill for the benefit of his sons. That’s the definition of paternal love! See you all next week