Match Statistics

Date	Team 1	Goals 1	Team 2	Goals 2	Match reports
Wed, 01/11/2017	Genoa Alexander Hodgson Andy Krick Deven Ghelani Gordon Baker James Arbib Mark Davies Martin Calver Oliver Gorton	3	Sampdoria Ben Donald Charlie Morgan Hugo Cuddigan Michael Davies Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Steve Davies	3	it was a draw. Review over.
Wed, 25/10/2017	Genoa Alexander Hodgson Andy Krick Chris Conder Michael Davies Nick Warner Samer Iliya	6	Sampdoria Amr Abulaban Ben Donald Deven Ghelani Hugo Fuller Richard Clode Rupert Coltart Steve Brooke	3	After the Monday night success of the FIFA awards (the Peppermint Hippo ones not London Palladium) most of the Worthless Regular Squads were given the week off allowing them to relax and focus on the frantic fixture run in to Christmas as well as tend their allotments, dig out their cardies & check their winter fuel allowances. This allowed for the second time this season for both sides to field their Caraboooooo Cup teams. Both sides were packed with quality and unquality and a high skilled game ensued with Whites sneaking it at half time 2-1 despite Blues literally having a million shots on goal. Second half and same story as while Whites pulled away to a 6-3 win with only six or seven shots on goal Blues took fluffing in front of goal to a whole new level. Strange times when you wonder were Cuddigan H is........overall though despite being on losing team a fun match to be involved in! Cuddigan H where are you? (To the tune of Scooby Doo-Ed) See you all next week. RC
Wed, 18/10/2017	Genoa Andy Krick Mark Davies Nick Warner Oliver Gorton Simon Gillespie Steve Brooke Steve Davies Tristan Gervais	6	Sampdoria Alexander Hodgson Amr Abulaban Hugo Cuddigan Paddy Inglis Robin Haller Rupert Coltart Saverio Campione William Stevenson	6	12 goals scored but Coltart R wouldn't know about the first as he did a Krick A (turned up late) thinking he'd balance the sides for a bit. Krafty Krick though turned up on time! Blues keep trying to pull away but Whites keep hanging on. Some well worked goals by both sides. Blues perhaps with the more flair players ended up like Coltart R's 5 month old daughter; lots of dribbling everywhere, but going nowhere fast resulting in a few moans and tears and a little toothless. Whites realising they didn't have the flair played simple ticky tacky football that Klopp J would have been proud of. Coltart R was asked by one idiot "who kicked off first?" to start the 2nd half off but received a stern response from Cuddigan H "why are you asking him he wasn't here". Coltart R was late for those who did not know! Overall a fair result, good football & a strong attendance in the pub! Isn't that what Worthless is all about...
Wed, 11/10/2017	Genoa Andy Krick Ben Donald Gordon Baker James Arbib Mark Davies Nick Warner Oliver Gorton Simon Gillespie	1	Sampdoria Hugo Cuddigan Hugo Fuller Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Robin Garton Rupert Coltart Saverio Campione Steve Davies	6	Second wins for Blues as Whites had a bout of the blues this week (get it?-Ed) as they succumbed to an all firing blue side that could have scored many more but for the foliage/leaves (Hugo C can explain) on the pitch. 3-0 at half time Blues contemplated the possibility of a niler but Inglis P thought that was rubbing salt into a one sided game so ably shepherded Donald B past his team mates so that whites could get onto the scoreboard. Baker G was his usual guiding light and encouraged one of his teammates with the calm enquiry of "why the f**k did you pass to me when I was surrounded by three players and the goal is that (indicating) way?" Towards the end Blues started to try and score via headers- it's harder than it looks in the premiership! Debate needs to be had on the pass back rule could liven up the games more and as per the first request everyone needs to turn up on time. If either side are one player down in the first ten and the other sneaks a goal or two its a tough comeback.
Wed, 04/10/2017	Genoa Alexander Hodgson Andy Krick Charlie Morgan Mark Davies Nick Warner Oliver Gorton Simon Gillespie Tristan Gervais	5	Sampdoria Hugo Cuddigan Hugo Fuller Michael Davies Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Saverio Campione	7	Blues off the mark with their first win of the season. Special thanks to Alex for bringing his mate Martin along to play for Blues. Martin could play football and helped Blues open up a 4-2 lead at half time (along with 6-0 assist). The usual Worthless half time talk for Blues ensued with phrases such as "we've got this, keep doing the basics, repeat what we just did, pack the middle" you get the gist! Seven minutes into the second half 5-4 Whites! Blues claw it back to 5-5 then sneak ahead just as Gillespie S is leaving so thankfully with the extra man run out the clock and sneak another. You can only play whose in front of you so the fact whites were playing with one fewer player for the first and last ten minutes is life. RC
Wed, 27/09/2017	Genoa Andy Krick Chris Conder James Arbib Mark Davies Michael Sakkas Oliver Gorton Simon Gillespie William Stevenson	6	Sampdoria Alexander Hodgson Charlie Morgan Hugo Cuddigan Hugo Fuller Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Saverio Campione Tristan Gervais	3	The old adage "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" is scorned by blues as they continue to come up with inventive ways to assist whites in scoring, be it an own goal, deft pass or the usual last man loses the ball. Whites field their Carabao cup team resting some of their more injury prone players and bringing in their reserve team youngsters messrs Stevenson W & Condor C. These two run the midfield for most of the game ably assisted by the rest of whites (and blues). Blues can console themselves though as while whites did score a beautiful end to end goal all three of blues goals were wonder strikes including Seve's special in the second half in the goal furthest away from the door. True he had scored a wonder goal in the same goal in the first half and thereby effectively cancelled himself out! In the pub after it was noted by all how blues striker had tirelessly run end to end and had towered above his team mates who quite frankly lacked his cognitive and eagle eyed game awareness! There was also a new rule proposal to be debated that once the keeper has passed the ball out you cannot pass back to him. Roll on next week... RC
Wed, 20/09/2017	Genoa Andy Krick Deven Ghelani Gordon Baker James Arbib Nick Warner Oliver Gorton Robin Haller Simon Gillespie	7	Sampdoria Barney Reynolds Hugo Cuddigan Hugo Fuller Michael Davies Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Saverio Campione	2	Blues had a quick chat before tonight's game and decided they were the stronger team and whites needed some assistance so a couple of own goals and a few pinpoint passes to whites allowed whites to open up a 4-1 lead that was too much for blues to overcome so blues continued to help whites to a 7-2 win. Coltart R demonstrated to everyone how a striker should nip the ball off the last defender's foot and smoothly slot home from 5 yards. It should be noted that Devlin assisted Coltart R in this demonstration by playing the role of striker! Jokes aside tough to remember much of the game as it seemed to be constant one way traffic by whites and blues! Good goal by Arbib J though and a sweeping end to end goal by whites that might have involved every player including blues! Post match analysis at pub by the blues discussed how to fix their shambolic performance. Next week watch out whites... RC
Wed, 13/09/2017	Genoa Amr Abulaban Andy Krick James Arbib Mark Davies Nick Warner Oliver Gorton Richard Clode Simon Gillespie	4	Sampdoria Alexander Hodgson Hugo Cuddigan Hugo Fuller Michael Davies Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Steve Davies	2	New season, new kits and new teams sounds like the same old start of a Worthless season but the powers that be had issued one new exciting edict which sounded quite simple: "turn up on time". Sadly Coltart R missed this memo (along with everything else on the pitch) and topped his evening with a botched quesadilla order at the pub after. Goal, tackle and pass eluded the sprightly 39yrs old, however, thinking he had a valid excuse, was then outdone and outshone by Davies P who turned up later and with a better excuse! We all wish Davies P Jnr a speedy recovery as unconfirmed reports abound that he was spotted in the car broken arm aloft in the car park after the game due to a mysterious diversion by Davies P en route to A&E! Anyhow, if the game itself is a template for the season ahead, we are in for a humdinger of a season. Two evenly matched teams battled it out for 60 mins (45mins for Coltart R) and in the end two sloppy mistakes by blues gave whites a 4-2 victory. The similarities too between the strikers was unmissable. White's striker - Clode R - goal hung, had pace, two good feet and an eye for goal as we think he scored all whites goals! Blues striker had one out of four of those attributes listed above but promised to work on the other three (same old season ahead then - Ed). For those eagle-eyed Worthless match report readers you will notice that Gillespie S always gets mentioned in dispatches at the start of a season which shows he takes pre-season seriously! He was MOTM as, until he departed for the 9.05pm train back to Penzance, the score was 4-0 and he was everywhere. Blues now eagerly await Baker's arrival to disrupt and wreak havoc for Whites (isn't he playing for whites?!? Ed.) Anyhow with the new prospect of playing for an extra 10mins each week and starting at 8pm the question must be asked will this improve all of our stamina as we play for an hour or simply mean we now arrive at the pub at 8.50pm instead to avoid the 9pm rush? Only time will tell.....but I am excited to find out, so bring it on. RC
Wed, 22/02/2017	France Alexander Hodgson Alex Stevenson Ethan Kline Hugo Cuddigan Mark Davies Michael Davies Nick Warner Steve Brooke	4	Portugal Andy Krick Charlie Morgan Hugo Fuller Paddy Inglis Rupert Coltart Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie William Stevenson	6	The complex team management system nearly caught out Olly who could not understand how he found himself down to play. Luckily N. Warner explained how the system worked in a calm and measured tone. Team talks similar for both sides: keep it tight, press early, and let Hugo score at least a hat-trick as it is his birthday. On the pitch reds ran the early parts of the game as Alex S turned up late due to continuing tube issues. After his arrival reds really took over and much of the first and second half was played with 13 players in the blues' half. Steve B, Alex H and Hugo C all looking to play on the break but never seeming to. Hugo F brings his shooting boots and is only denied his hat-trick by a brave, eyes closed, save by Warner. Gillespie scores with a clever flick with the outside of his left calf. Hugo C holds himself scoreless despite service into his feet early and often throughout the match. Decent turn out in the pub.
Wed, 15/02/2017	France Alex Stevenson Hugo Cuddigan James Arbib Mark Davies Nick Warner Zac Arbib	1	Portugal Andy Krick Charlie Morgan Gordon Baker Michael Davies Richard Clode Simon Gillespie	4	Debutante Zac Arbib - first of the second generation of worthless originals - scores the only blue goal in an otherwise dismal blue performance. Clode, another relative newcomer, shows some touches of class for Portugal but is surely not the Ronaldo France made him look to be. The return of Zorro witnessed his usual game on the wing before before slotting in the red goal on Gillespie's departure for Marlborough country.
Wed, 08/02/2017	France Alexander Hodgson Alex Stevenson Chris Conder Hugo Cuddigan Mark Davies Michael Davies Samer Iliya Saverio Campione	3	Portugal Amr Abulaban Andy Krick Charlie Morgan Harry Draper Hugo Fuller Nick Haigh Paddy Inglis Steve Brooke	6	"Terrible first half, good second half. 4-0 at HT. then 4-3. Finished 5-3 although they claimed a 6th that was inside the area. I scored one and hit the bar with what would have been a beauty so was quite happy with my evening!: "4 nil down at half time pulled it back to 4-3 , should have equalised but ended up losing 6- 3." "We got waxed. 4-zip at half time. Ended 5 or 6 - 3." V good, reds bossed midfield and stormed to 4-0 lead, then 4-3, 6-3 to reds I think. Times CM lost ball = 3. Missed our captain though."
Wed, 23/09/2015	USA Gordon Baker Hugo Cuddigan Nicolas de Santis Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Pete Davies Simon Gillespie Steve Davies	0	Japan Alexis Pu Ben Donald Hugo Fuller Mark Davies Nick Warner Rupert Coltart Steve Brooke Yasheen Rajan	3	Hugo thought he got away with a late consolation, but he didn't because he was inside the box and you are not allowed to shoot thence.
Wed, 11/03/2015	Argentina Alexis de Rosnay Hugo Fuller Nick Warner Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis	8	Germany Hugo Cuddigan Pete Davies Will Sheldon	6	Late additions in the guise of Nicolas de Santis and Rupert Hoffen mean that we hobble together an energetic 5 a side game. "All these new subs we have, they all seem to be in private equity". "Well they certainly appear to be used to other people doing the work for them! " Ethan, if you're reading this, we miss you. Baker, the opposite goes for you.
Wed, 25/02/2015	Argentina Alex Stevenson Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller Nick Warner Oliver Gorton Saverio Campione	4	Germany Andy Krick Mark Davies Rupert Coltart Steve Brooke Steve Davies Yasheen Rajan	7	Jiacopo's theory that "yash is essential" amazingly holds true for a second successive week...This time yash's absence making all the difference to an otherwise well organised 6v6 match. Baker yet to understand the importance of a simple 10 yard pass; Alex Stevenson wearing kit that enabled him to seamlessly change sides at half time without anyone really noticing the difference.
Wed, 18/02/2015	Argentina Alex Stevenson Ed Lascelles Gordon Baker Jacopo Forloni Nick Warner Paddy Inglis Steve Brooke Yasheen Rajan	6	Germany Andy Krick Hugo Cuddigan Mark Davies Nick van den Arend Robin Garton Simon Gillespie Steve Davies William Stevenson	10	Match summary courtesy this week of relative newbie jacopo: after Argentina cruises into a one nil lead, with 'legs' Inglis at the back claiming he had literally nothing to do, Hugo axes yash who turns his ankle and is forced off with injury. Suddenly the tide changes, with Germany scoring 4 without response, "which proves my point that yash is essential". Argentines become a bit more respectable after the break, but not enough to claw back the deficit despite enlisting the services of all knowledgeable baker in goal. Baker in the pub quizzed on why he insists on coaching players from both teams: " I just think I read the game so much better than everyone else ".
Wed, 11/02/2015	Argentina Alex Stevenson Andy Moretti David Esfandi Hugo Fuller John Romeo Nick Warner Steve Brooke William Stevenson	2	Germany Andy Krick Hugo Cuddigan Jacopo Forloni Mark Davies Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Saverio Campione Steve Davies	3	Not much to report except that it was noted in the pub afterwards how peaceful, polite and gentlemanly games without Gordon were...
Wed, 14/01/2015	Argentina Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller Jacopo Forloni Nick Warner Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Robin Garton Simon Derrick	3	Germany Alex Stevenson Andy Krick Hugo Cuddigan Mark Davies Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Saverio Campione Steve Davies	4	Rubbish game because everybody ran off the pitch at the final whistle without looking out for my ball. Next week: ghosting football as there are none left.
Wed, 07/01/2015	Argentina Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller Jacopo Forloni James Arbib Nick Warner Paddy Inglis Steve Davies Yasheen Rajan	6	Germany Andy Krick Hugo Cuddigan Mark Davies Pete Davies Robin Garton Rupert Coltart Simon Derrick Simon Gillespie	4	A surprising competitive fixture with which to start the year. On paper, it looked like it would be an easy win for Argentina, Hugo having selected the teams on the explicit basis that "I'm much better than everyone else thinks I am." Argies take a 2-0 lead on the stroke of half time, but Germany quickly pull one back early in the second half with a goal of rare striker's quality by Hugo C, almost justifying his ridiculous assertion above. 2-1 led to 3-1, 3-2, 4-2, 4-3, 5-3, 5-4 and then 6-4 final score - Germany could never quite close the gap despite 10 mins of extra time at the end. Rupert struck a sweet volley from 20 yards; Degs snuck in at the back post to score for the first time since 2006; Warner appeared to go on a mazy run when he actually fell over a couple of challenges in the right direction before slotting home. Steve Davies heading home the final goal. And relative newcomer Jacopo admits to having 'gone to the gym' over the holiday period to get his fitness up to scratch. Skinny pub turnout: warner, cuddigan and inglis.
Wed, 17/12/2014	Argentina Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Romeo Max de Rosnay Mayamiko Kachingwe Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis	5	Germany Andy Krick Andy Moretti Ethan Kline Hugo Cuddigan Jacopo Forloni Mark Davies Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	4	Argentina win the match. Warner missing for Argentina. Argentina pass the ball crisply.Warner missing for Argentina. Argentina defend well.Warner missing for Argentina. Argentina disciplined and well organised. Warner missing for Argentina. Also, Paddy was excellent in goal, Olly scored a great goal, and the Germans gave away the ball too often. Happy holidays.
Wed, 10/12/2014	Argentina Barney Reynolds Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller Jacopo Forloni Nick Warner Steve Brooke Yasheen Rajan	3	Germany Andy Krick Ethan Kline Hugo Cuddigan Mark Davies Pete Davies Rupert Coltart Simon Gillespie	7	In a repeat of the 2014 World Cup final, Germany trounced Argentina. It was clear from the first minute that there would only be one winner in this match. Consequently Germany took their foot off the pedal from the second minute in a show of sportsmanship which will never be seen from Argentina. Some very good goals on the night mostly from Germany who found their way through the Argentina defence aided by Warner and Baker shouting constant and contradictory commands to their team mates. Notable goals: Krick and who ever was on the end of the 27 pass move for Germany which ended with a tap in. Good turn out at the pub for the Christmas party.
Wed, 12/11/2014	Argentina Alex Stevenson Andy Moretti Hugo Fuller Nick Warner Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis Steve Davies	6	Germany Andy Krick Ethan Kline Hugo Cuddigan Mark Davies Pete Davies Rupert Coltart	4	Rupert makes a long-awaited return. Krick hurts his ankle. Paddy strong in the field. Good turn out at the pub.
Wed, 29/10/2014	Argentina Hugo Fuller John Romeo Max de Rosnay Oliver Gorton Steve Brooke Steve Davies Yasheen Rajan	4	Germany Alex Stevenson Andy Krick Ethan Kline Mark Davies Pete Davies Robin Garton Saverio Campione	8	Whites generally romp through Blues - highlights few and far between. Steve nutmegs his bother and then scores with a screaming toke poke. Kline beats Romeo at the near post with a delicate header. A debut for Steve B who's first touch often took the ball away from the oppo - and from Steve himself. Krick's new strategy effective - don't run in the first half and save all energy for the second. The real talking points were the late, very late and very, very late withdrawals. Robin Garton pulls out at 9am, Olly (Raheem Sterling) Gorton pleads fatigue at 19:15 and Max didn't bother to turn up or to let anyone know.
Wed, 22/10/2014	Argentina Hugo Fuller James Arbib John Romeo Nick Warner Will Sheldon Yasheen Rajan	4	Germany Alex Stevenson Andy Krick Hugo Cuddigan Max de Rosnay Nick van den Arend Steve Davies	4	We know that Hugo and Nick no longer run around, preferring to use "man management" (yelling at people) skills to influence the game. But can't they even be bothered to write a match report? Second hand reports that the ringers ruin the game by not passing.
Wed, 15/10/2014	Argentina Alex Stevenson Andy Moretti Hugo Fuller John Romeo Max de Rosnay Nick van den Arend Nick Warner Oliver Gorton	4	Germany Andy Krick Barney Reynolds Hugo Cuddigan Mark Davies Pete Davies Saverio Campione Simon Gillespie Steve Davies	6	Two for Cuddigan to tip a delicately balanced match (after Gillespie left early) in favour of Germany. Reynolds caught in possession as the last man after one too many step-overs. His team mates then share carefully worded opinions as to his approach. Warner tired of losing so sits alone at the pub. Whites win there too.
Wed, 08/10/2014	Argentina Alex Stevenson Gordon Baker Hugo Fuller John Romeo Mayamiko Kachingwe Nick Warner Oliver Gorton Paddy Inglis	4	Germany Andy Krick Ethan Kline Mark Davies Max de Rosnay Pete Davies Simon Gillespie Steve Davies Yasheen Rajan	9	Score not important on a night when everyone remembers to turn up. Next we'll work on turning up on time. Highlights of the night: Whites win! Nick Warner almost scores the goal of the year only to see it turn into an assist at the other end. He also got nutmegged on the slowest. pass. of. the. year. Much discussion in the pub about why Hugo chose shirts of the same colour for both sides.